For a Trans* Remembrance Month Video

The Reasons Why

There are so many reasons why

Too many reasons why

To put into words

But constantly you are asking me

Why

I can give you a list

I could go on for hours

Not sure it would be enough

To truly explain

Why

But what I do know

Is that when you smile

When you laugh

Even when you cry

I find the reasons

Why

The truth you see

Is quite simple

It is you, all of you

The good, the bad

All the reasons why

I love you

I Remember

The soft voice of a little child

Speaking beyond their years

Sharing worlds of wisdom

Knowing more than most ever do

That's what I remember

The heartfelt giggle of one in pain

Such an innocent humor

With a hint of morbidity

From a life too short

That's what I remember

The presence of deep care

For anyone and anything

Always paying it forward

With faith, facing it all

That's what I remember

I remember  

Traitor in the Mix

There is a traitor in the mix

And your love is far from worth

The loss of their love

Creeping around corners

Doing unspeakable things

When no one can see

There is a traitor in the mix

And your love is far from worth

The loss of their trust

Working hard to deceive

Leaving things unspoken

To questions unasked

There is a traitor in the mix

And your love is far from worth

The gain of their disappointment

Leaving all to deception

Hoping nobody will see

The truth beneath

There is a traitor in the mix

And the traitor is me

Trials and Tribulations

Trials and tribulations

You say you will

You say you won't

You say you do

You shout you don't

Your prospective

My prospective

The outside world's prospective

Like global warming

On you and I

Me and you

Trials and tribulations

The memories that burn

The memories that fuel

With pain and anger

With love and faith

What we hold dear

What we breath in

What we try to forget

What we wish to leave

Like rainbows and Butterflies

Or fire and brimstone

Trials and tribulations

For the Fear of May

I am scared
Scared of us
Afraid of May
Of where this is going
Of how it might end

You are the one person
The one I feel I should not bother
And the only one I wish to tell
To share with you
To lean on you

I have tried
Once or twice
A mention here
A mention there
Remember-

You can not handle
To think of it
Means thinking of so much
This is not the first
That you could not

You have this ability
One of which I am jealous
To block things out
Emotions of too much power
Keeping yourself safe

I know that to think of the one
Leads to thinking of all
The confusion and conflict
Possible pain and fears
I do understand

Sometimes I just lose
Lose myself to my emotion
It overwhelms
I try to hold it back
I feel I mostly do well

I have not your ability

I am sorry

My Hands, Your Back

No
It's my hands
They are, my hands
Bleeding
They are covered
Soaked in blood
These are?
My hands
Where though
Is the source
I don't  see it
The source-

Sharp Pains
You say
In your back?

The source?

Your blood...

................My hands-

Franklin; I Used to Like You

I despise the look on your faces
Staring up at me as if you still care
You're dead; you don't give a damn
Now, decades later all you are
Is over-priced green paper
I can tear you
Rip you to shreds
Burn you
And even if illegal
Toss you in a pile of trash

None the less I need you
I feed off of you
I work for you
I barely live because of you
Life is a bitter sweet symphony
All played for you

Well here I am
Another worthless
Poor American
Barely able to make dues
The half truths of others
Furthering the dent
The depth of the fear
And hole of disparity
Wondering what will come next
If we can survive

Now as I cry on your shoulders
Looking down
At the last remaining
Arrogant faces
I can only wish for more
As my hate eagerly grows

Good Night

It's late, this I know
But all of it is too- there
I realize that I am looking over
Skipping past the thoughts
Floating around my brain
But when I check the time
Realize sleep should be here
I immediately think of tomorrow
The things I can't avoid
The changes, the moving
Work, and other chores

I ponder on having to deal
Accept and move on
From the pain inside
The words that pushed me over
Added to stress and fear
Sent me to the other room
Away from my responsibilities
So that a moment could be spent
Shedding a tear in peace
A deep breath
And back at it

To face these things
I will need some rest
A codex to frame a steady mind
And so sleep will come
Comfort of covers will be sought
And the warmth of a pillow
Will rest upon my ear
I merely need to find a way
A path to drain the energy
Urging me to zone out
And say good night