Punctuation and Capitalization: a true sign

Do you know how I can tell?

It's quite simple really-
Everything changes.

There is distance in your words,
Pauses instead of phrases,
Less feeling, more statement,
And possibly the most obvious of all...
Punctuation and capitalization.

What once was only
no, its cool
Now becomes the more proper
No really, it's fine.

The only thing truly hard to see-
What the issue actually is.

I can easily assume
The cause came just before.
But that would be--assuming.
And world knows
I could be wrong.

Of course you will not tell.
At least not for now.
For now it is more proper.
And I just hope you know I love you.

Dandelion Itch

I can see an approaching future
Dreaming at the tips of my toes
Small little buds resting on stems
Waiting to bloom
To grow and feed from the sun
To wilt with time and patience
Moving on, producing new life
Making sport of play
For a simple breath

I wish for this outcome
Drawn out over a lifespan
A prayer that rumbles real low
An itch under my skin
Sinking deep beneath my pores
"Let it BE!" my bones scream
From my heart, I dream too
To see those blooms realized
Rather than trampled by elongation

Off-ff-ff-zz-z

Move your butt, I say
Com'on now
Move it, for you can not stay

Unfold your feet
Pull yourself forward
And simply go

Turn off the TV and lights
Call for the pups
And be on your way

Close the door
Ditch the bra
Set the usual 2-5 alarms

Get over the thoughts
Feelings and motions
Just put them all away

Put a pillow to your ear
Squirm your feet under cover
And settle in

Close your eyes
Think of only blank space
And drift away

Now-
Move your butt, I say
For you can not stay

Pretending Peace

I am on a different planet
I have been staying there most the day
Rather, I can't seem to locate the way to return
Focusing on reality
It's a chore
The kind one ignores until it smacks them in the face
So much I should/need to be doing
So little time left for the work
But yet here I sit
The computer set to the social
And episode after episode running on the TV
This abandonment of my current life
It disappoints me
Likely will disappoint another
This different planet excludes you
I need that now
Reality revolves around you
And I am in need of escape
From the current issues at hand
I may not be able to locate the way to return
But really I do not want to

Truth

I want to discuss this
But not to share with anyone
I am unsure how to proceed

You notice, but do not know
I am keeping things quiet
Until I know- things need to be clearer

How I feel
I don't think it has changed
But what I see of how you do-

My world has been shaken
For the aftershock, I lie anxiously in waiting
What will come to pass

Over the days
weeks
months

Will the ground become steady
Complete beneath my feet
Or will all I knew inside

Crumble in pieces, away
Left to be void of the life I've cherished
Of the love I've held so dear

I'd give anything to see the answer
A magic eight ball, triangle flat
With a truth to hold me

Or better yet to move on
Forget the fear of possible truth
And let it be your arms that abide

This aching in my heart
The incorrigible twisting of my gut
Mourning river in my soul

Carrying me through to summer light
Happier days ahead
I wish for them now

For love to be the soft breeze
And the blooming dandelions
Keeping company at our sides

But to carry me
I know of you to refuse
For 'happiness is of thy own making'

And what exactly would to say, my dear
If the happiness of my making included
You

A ring on your hand
A knowledge in their minds
And a house smelling of -- us

This is the future I crave
The one I have been leaning into
Though, my vision alone

I see that now
Even without your confirmation
For me you do not truly ache

Maybe one day in time
Your love for me will grow
But for now it is only -love

As it is you do not yearn
Your happiness is all on you
And inner knowledge is slow in following

I truly do wish and pray
The day you discover self honesty
You also find the strength to share

Truth

Marry Me Anyway

(Written out of anger, and out of pain.)

Damn you. Damn you, damn you, damn you.

I love you more than you know.

I want so badly for the separation to make our love stronger,

for you to overcome your fear and be open.

So that when four years comes, I can look at you and say

“We've made it this far, I think it's really serious now; 

-tell me someday you'll marry me-”

But every now and then, I see how little you notice or seem to care when you do, 

about how much effort I put into 'us.'

Even when you get so angry feeling as if you are the only one that does.

And then I remember how often you disrespect me and what we have,

speaking of how bad things are, and how much you don't know why you are with me.

As if there are never perfect moments, when we are complete-

happily wrapped in each other's arms.

And as I try to rid all my anger, yelling into the silence around me,

as to not hold it in and let loose on you...

The wost knowledge washes over me-

the one and only reason you have ever mentioned wanting to remain anywhere near me-

was not me...

It was for a new found friendship; not the love we supposedly

share.

Oh, like heaven and hell mixed here on Earth,

I would follow you most anywhere, and hold a spot for you when you are away.

But if you do not begin to show me that you actually care,

beyond what you call “apologizing and fixing things,”

acting pitiful to the point of pain over the smallest things,

I might one day have the hurt enough to tell you-

“Go ahead, go home, leave. And do not call on me again,

until you are sure you actually have love in your heart,

and not just comfort in your limbs.

We both deserve more.”

Forgetting this For Now

You’ve been here with me, thick and thin

One person, one love, is all I ever want

Up till the point of death, and beyond

Right here is where I belong

Gone too soon

One whole year

I didn’t want to believe

Now though, it’s clear

Gone too soon

To much love to merely fester

One whole life time, still too short

Let me be upset, hurt, and angry

Even when I try to ignore myself

All I want is you forever

Very important though, to keep my strength

Enough to miss you, as I sit in wait

Without His Hands

It feels weird. Ya know?
In a way that crawls into 
Your skin way down deep.
You knew before you walked in
About the change,
But you didn't predict it;
The new sense of stickiness
Like the weight of an elephant
Pressing in on this old
Hand-nailed roof.
He is missing, you knew
He was missing.
And you are glad;
It isn't as if his presence
Does not still linger-
Forever it will.
And it is better now,
For him at least, you know it is!
But still he is missing.
Not that one would want
Those now mannequin hands
To sit at this table, holding
A glass of decaf.
But now, this.
It just is not the same.
Something just 
Isn't right about this old house...
Without his hands.

Thoughts In Passing

Every time I got close to the casket
All I could manage to think
Was how those were mannequin hands,
Not his hands

And every time any one of you looked at me
And said how nice it was to see a better picture of him
Than those last few months; what a great job they did!
I looked around and saw him everywhere