Truth

I want to discuss this
But not to share with anyone
I am unsure how to proceed

You notice, but do not know
I am keeping things quiet
Until I know- things need to be clearer

How I feel
I don't think it has changed
But what I see of how you do-

My world has been shaken
For the aftershock, I lie anxiously in waiting
What will come to pass

Over the days
weeks
months

Will the ground become steady
Complete beneath my feet
Or will all I knew inside

Crumble in pieces, away
Left to be void of the life I've cherished
Of the love I've held so dear

I'd give anything to see the answer
A magic eight ball, triangle flat
With a truth to hold me

Or better yet to move on
Forget the fear of possible truth
And let it be your arms that abide

This aching in my heart
The incorrigible twisting of my gut
Mourning river in my soul

Carrying me through to summer light
Happier days ahead
I wish for them now

For love to be the soft breeze
And the blooming dandelions
Keeping company at our sides

But to carry me
I know of you to refuse
For 'happiness is of thy own making'

And what exactly would to say, my dear
If the happiness of my making included
You

A ring on your hand
A knowledge in their minds
And a house smelling of -- us

This is the future I crave
The one I have been leaning into
Though, my vision alone

I see that now
Even without your confirmation
For me you do not truly ache

Maybe one day in time
Your love for me will grow
But for now it is only -love

As it is you do not yearn
Your happiness is all on you
And inner knowledge is slow in following

I truly do wish and pray
The day you discover self honesty
You also find the strength to share

Truth

Marry Me Anyway

(Written out of anger, and out of pain.)

Damn you. Damn you, damn you, damn you.

I love you more than you know.

I want so badly for the separation to make our love stronger,

for you to overcome your fear and be open.

So that when four years comes, I can look at you and say

“We've made it this far, I think it's really serious now; 

-tell me someday you'll marry me-”

But every now and then, I see how little you notice or seem to care when you do, 

about how much effort I put into 'us.'

Even when you get so angry feeling as if you are the only one that does.

And then I remember how often you disrespect me and what we have,

speaking of how bad things are, and how much you don't know why you are with me.

As if there are never perfect moments, when we are complete-

happily wrapped in each other's arms.

And as I try to rid all my anger, yelling into the silence around me,

as to not hold it in and let loose on you...

The wost knowledge washes over me-

the one and only reason you have ever mentioned wanting to remain anywhere near me-

was not me...

It was for a new found friendship; not the love we supposedly

share.

Oh, like heaven and hell mixed here on Earth,

I would follow you most anywhere, and hold a spot for you when you are away.

But if you do not begin to show me that you actually care,

beyond what you call “apologizing and fixing things,”

acting pitiful to the point of pain over the smallest things,

I might one day have the hurt enough to tell you-

“Go ahead, go home, leave. And do not call on me again,

until you are sure you actually have love in your heart,

and not just comfort in your limbs.

We both deserve more.”

Forgetting this For Now

You’ve been here with me, thick and thin

One person, one love, is all I ever want

Up till the point of death, and beyond

Right here is where I belong

Gone too soon

One whole year

I didn’t want to believe

Now though, it’s clear

Gone too soon

To much love to merely fester

One whole life time, still too short

Let me be upset, hurt, and angry

Even when I try to ignore myself

All I want is you forever

Very important though, to keep my strength

Enough to miss you, as I sit in wait

Without His Hands

It feels weird. Ya know?
In a way that crawls into 
Your skin way down deep.
You knew before you walked in
About the change,
But you didn't predict it;
The new sense of stickiness
Like the weight of an elephant
Pressing in on this old
Hand-nailed roof.
He is missing, you knew
He was missing.
And you are glad;
It isn't as if his presence
Does not still linger-
Forever it will.
And it is better now,
For him at least, you know it is!
But still he is missing.
Not that one would want
Those now mannequin hands
To sit at this table, holding
A glass of decaf.
But now, this.
It just is not the same.
Something just 
Isn't right about this old house...
Without his hands.

Thoughts In Passing

Every time I got close to the casket
All I could manage to think
Was how those were mannequin hands,
Not his hands

And every time any one of you looked at me
And said how nice it was to see a better picture of him
Than those last few months; what a great job they did!
I looked around and saw him everywhere

For a Trans* Remembrance Month Video

The Reasons Why

There are so many reasons why

Too many reasons why

To put into words

But constantly you are asking me

Why

I can give you a list

I could go on for hours

Not sure it would be enough

To truly explain

Why

But what I do know

Is that when you smile

When you laugh

Even when you cry

I find the reasons

Why

The truth you see

Is quite simple

It is you, all of you

The good, the bad

All the reasons why

I love you

I Remember

The soft voice of a little child

Speaking beyond their years

Sharing worlds of wisdom

Knowing more than most ever do

That's what I remember

The heartfelt giggle of one in pain

Such an innocent humor

With a hint of morbidity

From a life too short

That's what I remember

The presence of deep care

For anyone and anything

Always paying it forward

With faith, facing it all

That's what I remember

I remember  

Traitor in the Mix

There is a traitor in the mix

And your love is far from worth

The loss of their love

Creeping around corners

Doing unspeakable things

When no one can see

There is a traitor in the mix

And your love is far from worth

The loss of their trust

Working hard to deceive

Leaving things unspoken

To questions unasked

There is a traitor in the mix

And your love is far from worth

The gain of their disappointment

Leaving all to deception

Hoping nobody will see

The truth beneath

There is a traitor in the mix

And the traitor is me

Trials and Tribulations

Trials and tribulations

You say you will

You say you won't

You say you do

You shout you don't

Your prospective

My prospective

The outside world's prospective

Like global warming

On you and I

Me and you

Trials and tribulations

The memories that burn

The memories that fuel

With pain and anger

With love and faith

What we hold dear

What we breath in

What we try to forget

What we wish to leave

Like rainbows and Butterflies

Or fire and brimstone

Trials and tribulations

For the Fear of May

I am scared
Scared of us
Afraid of May
Of where this is going
Of how it might end

You are the one person
The one I feel I should not bother
And the only one I wish to tell
To share with you
To lean on you

I have tried
Once or twice
A mention here
A mention there
Remember-

You can not handle
To think of it
Means thinking of so much
This is not the first
That you could not

You have this ability
One of which I am jealous
To block things out
Emotions of too much power
Keeping yourself safe

I know that to think of the one
Leads to thinking of all
The confusion and conflict
Possible pain and fears
I do understand

Sometimes I just lose
Lose myself to my emotion
It overwhelms
I try to hold it back
I feel I mostly do well

I have not your ability

I am sorry

My Hands, Your Back

No
It's my hands
They are, my hands
Bleeding
They are covered
Soaked in blood
These are?
My hands
Where though
Is the source
I don't  see it
The source-

Sharp Pains
You say
In your back?

The source?

Your blood...

................My hands-

Franklin; I Used to Like You

I despise the look on your faces
Staring up at me as if you still care
You're dead; you don't give a damn
Now, decades later all you are
Is over-priced green paper
I can tear you
Rip you to shreds
Burn you
And even if illegal
Toss you in a pile of trash

None the less I need you
I feed off of you
I work for you
I barely live because of you
Life is a bitter sweet symphony
All played for you

Well here I am
Another worthless
Poor American
Barely able to make dues
The half truths of others
Furthering the dent
The depth of the fear
And hole of disparity
Wondering what will come next
If we can survive

Now as I cry on your shoulders
Looking down
At the last remaining
Arrogant faces
I can only wish for more
As my hate eagerly grows

Good Night

It's late, this I know
But all of it is too- there
I realize that I am looking over
Skipping past the thoughts
Floating around my brain
But when I check the time
Realize sleep should be here
I immediately think of tomorrow
The things I can't avoid
The changes, the moving
Work, and other chores

I ponder on having to deal
Accept and move on
From the pain inside
The words that pushed me over
Added to stress and fear
Sent me to the other room
Away from my responsibilities
So that a moment could be spent
Shedding a tear in peace
A deep breath
And back at it

To face these things
I will need some rest
A codex to frame a steady mind
And so sleep will come
Comfort of covers will be sought
And the warmth of a pillow
Will rest upon my ear
I merely need to find a way
A path to drain the energy
Urging me to zone out
And say good night

Happy Birthday, Middle Sis

Never really knew you
Wonder who you would have been
Wondering who you are
One of my biggest inspirations
And so few people see
Only eight years on this Earth
Only four of them with me
But oh so much, those years have shaped
Who I am and who I will be
With your legacy, memories held in hearts
You have taught me so very much
About life, love, and truly giving
I feel you watch over us
And with the help of your presence
I find the strength to live

Stones

I feel like puking on the screen
Hitting the keys in front of me
Until my fingers will move no longer
Throwing down words like stones
Until they make no sense
Running letters back to back
Pouring out any and all emotion
Willing and capable of bubbling to the surface

Let not any be choked back
And stifle none that scream
Breath within the beat
And speak in ALL CAPS
Find a tiny font for whispering
And move along the wind
Use onomatopoeia at random
And annoy thy eyes

I know not what to say
I sense not how to move
But forward I will travel
Trying to put it all down
Light bricks on my own color road
Before any small explosion booms
For the weight is thick and snug
More so than my occupied heart wishes

Let me break free, oh mind
Let the night end
May sleep remove all that is selfish
From inside this olive skin
My word bank is still full
And my fingers still move
But these stones now make little sense
And the road lies in rubble

My Dreams of You

It so does appear, that when we are done
My dreams of you multiply in passion

I wonder if as I think
Having another beat on me
Would be more gratifying
Than beating myself

But I can always find reason to continue
With the screaming and the cussing
The kicking and the punching
Though from myself I feel not much

Each insult I’ve already heard from these lips
And each name has echoed through
Each blow hurts less and less
Almost as if I search for the one that does

Oh, all the things that use of energy
Prevents these hands from doing
And phenomenally it keeps these lips
From even more spewings of tourettes

It’s as if there is a big ball of rage inside
Waiting for any decent moment to escape
It has waited for many of years
And never received a fulfilling attempt

With its own story it sits and grows
Remembering it acknowledgments clearly
For you with the chin dimple
And the full ability to never care

For you with your protective presence
And no offer of protection from your own damage
For you with the self imagined height of an angel
And the treasured ignorance of a baboon

And For you with a heart bigger than any black whole
And a silver tongue stronger than any god’s
Your ability to try until your emotions will no longer bend
Yet your way of making everyone else oh so small

I wonder if I could blame all of you
For the way I torture the one I love most
How I pull hate from those dark brown eyes
Turning yellow and orange into a deep, putrid black

But someone great in the right mindset would remind me
That only one’s self can be blamed for what they do
I hear the above statement to ring quite true
And it breaks my heart knowing I do

As I am the hardest for myself to forgive
I turn the other cheek when taking a blow to the heart
And I might walk a different bath after a stab in the back
But forgiveness does remain for all without this face

I lead to an unhealthy you
Plain and simple, no easier way to see it
I am far from anything useful to you
And there is no one you need but you

Now what is there for us to do
After one Amygdala hijack too many
With no medicine to sooth
And all the smiles have been smashed away

It so does appear, that when we are done
My dreams of you multiply in passion

Paper Airplane; Why Don't You Stay?

There's a paper airplane
Sailing across the land
Carrying all the pieces
Never to be whole again
And this Bubble-Bath will never sooth

Oh to be on that plane now
Getting away from this some how
Its pilot I will become
Flying straight toward your arms
Into your heart once more

I write to you
The ink moves
It doesn't satisfy

This incorrigible flame rises
Threatening to swallow me whole
I stepped into the fire
Look at me now
Singing to myself
Like these words really matter

Sit and watch the airplane
Catch a glimpse of streusel as it turns
And there she goes

If I ever see her again
Maybe I'll find the words to say
Actions always mattered more anyway
Find out how to let her go
Or the guts to ask her to stay

(Probably be happier anyway)

There's a paper airplane
Sailing across the land
Carrying all the pieces
Never to be whole again
And this Bubble-Bath will never
Never sooth

Oh Well, Right?

I told you this was how it was going to be
You convinced me otherwise
I knew I would be alone, sad, and hurt
While you played, laughed, and forgot
Anger when it's my turn to go
And my distraction ruins everything
But hypocrisy when it's yours
And I'm the annoying bad guy
Why do you even bother before you leave
Saying that you'll miss me
That I will hear from you often
Liar
But I guess it doesn't matter
Hence why I am merely writing to myself
And don't be mad if one day you read this
Because when you ignore me so
Don't even give me the only thing I want
Which is to know that you are okay
On the road or not
It really feels like it doesn't even matter

It'll Be the Last (may need edit)

One of these days
When she stops talking
It'll be the last I hear of her voice
One of these days
When she takes to walking away
It'll be the last I see her beautiful face
I don't know why or how
She puts up with me
The way that I am
Alway causing that blood to boil
And those feet to move like they do

She tells me she loves me
But I don't know how she can
I never feel I do enough to warrent
All the waves she rides with me
She tells me she loves me
But I don't know know why her heart bothers
With every little thing I put it through
I know that I truly do love her
More than I'll ever know how to show
And I never have quite gotten close
To even showing enough of what I should

Why is it you always do the walking away
And I'm always stuck doing the chasing
I know one of these days will be the last
And I will never see it coming

(And all the blame will be on me;
'Cause I'll be the one left wondering-)

Phones Away: Can You Hear Me Now?

Phones away
Can you hear me now?
Together let us take just a second to ponder-
What will the next generations see upon exiting the womb?
The doctor’s instructions listed on the BlackBerry in Mommy’s hands
As a baby’s Twitpic is more important than any introduction to its family
Each child to be babysat by the computer monitor by the age of three
And no single iPhone game, raising a garden, moves quickly enough
To sooth the impatient itch caused by a 45 second lack of distraction
Forget fear of swirlies at school; too busy bullying by way of statuses
“No phones in class, Dear; now read my fancy power point slide”
So, where is the need for group dialogue and exchanged,
When there is access to absent minded discussion boards online?
Life to be stored on various devices; mandated by events listed on Facebook
You can share with the world each subchapter in your agenda book
One hundred forty characters or less- don’t you dare forget
Control the “about me” that others see; my teacher taught me about imagery
Have every acquaintance for your friend and know everything that they do
As long as they remember to continually check in daily on FourSquare
Complement each other on photography skills by way of mobile uploads
Our conversations dwindled down to the briefest of shorthand
Coming so accustomed to replying only as you wish
(No one can truly know how busy you are when they’re not with you)
That in face to face conversation you forget how to participate
No need for quality time when there are so many waiting for your next text
Dropped communication classes will make a switch to keypad lessons
Learn it all in five minutes tops or lag back on a buffering screen
Tab over to something newer; got to keep up with the latest tech
Click here, pound sign there, now a member of the most recent trends
Sunshine, what is that?
Oh you mean that thing that powers the neighbor’s weird looking car
Baseball, the Great American Pastime, relocated to the couch we keep in the basement
No possibility of a twisted ankle, too busy with exercises for RSI
Thumb and Repetitive Stress Injuries could slow down the new 6g
Word Review, can you spell check this so far?
Here we are in the midst of technology getting smarter than we bother to be
Phones away
Can you hear me now?

An Answered Call

Did the weather answer my call?
Yesterday I saw yellow, orange, and blue.
Brought on in part by the day's hue.
Laughing, hand holding, smiles gallore.
Happiness and memmories of before.
I love days like those, Heaven, I want more.
BringIng the light back into that face I adore.
Sun on our backs and a breeze in our hair.
These days I feel that we make a good pair.
I love you, I do. Not just when the wind rings.
But also when shown what cold and snow bring.
I love you through and through,
Because still there, is always you.

Side by Side (in need of spell check)

I want to be out walking with my girl
Playing ball on the grass with my man
I want to place my arm around her shoulders
Intertwine my fingers with those hads of his
Show off my relationship with her
And be insanely flirtatious with him
I want to travel home to our bed
After a wonderful dinner together
Attack each other in our cotton sheets
No thought to societal veiw on who we should be
I want to love on you forever
Staying completely true to who we are
Changing continually together over time
Growing and learning side by side
More of who we are, together and apart
I want to be out walking with my girl
Playing ball on the grass with my man

Come Back to Us, Summer Breeze (Please) (may need edit)

I miss the nights we couldn't get enough of each other;
Those times we would nearly be sick due to sleepiness,
Before we would even consider parting our ways.
When the love used to radiate off of our skin;
So hot red that not a soul could miss the flame,
No matter how hard we tried to keep it under wrapps.
I miss the dozens of kisses and ever sweet I love yous,
Before sleep would over come our dreary eye lids.
I miss the hugs that never seemed possible to end,
That would feel like shattered earth when broken.
The butterflies that always fluttered inside here;
That look that always made me completely swoon.
Even when we were apart, your love so strong,
It could keep me warm at night no matter the chill.
When I could not contain my ever rising joy,
Brought out of every poor by the way you made me feel.
Those butterflies still come around in me.
And the earth still feels as though it shatters.
But the chill keeps me so cold these nights;
And the true sleep, seems it almost never comes.
My reality stares me straight in the eye;
But to the touch, is colder than the air we breath.
And aside that fluttering is a ball of nerves,
Waiting to see if the falling clouds in the sky
Are really crashing down around me.
Or if in time they will remember the soft feel
Of a summer breeze, blowing them to a fro'.

Never Going Away

This Sick Serpentine Psycho
The label of "bitch" branded to her forehead
I cannot trust her with a single thing
I go for something, try to make it better
There she is again, tearing it all down
She likes to have fun, play those "games"
Worst is when she takes her sweet time
Letting me slip closer and closer to something great
Then she waltzes in to take it all away
I may think I can hold her back, shew her out
At times I think it even works, saying goodbye
But no, this psycho waits for even the smallest crack
In the window of my ever slipping brain
Rearing her head like a Michael, who just will not die
Apart of me, inside of me, never going away

To Love is to Hurt

I don't expect much sleep tonight
Wondering if complete solitude
Is the best option for my life
Every piece of love I touch
Crumbles at my fingertips
Feeling as though I need others
Ears on which to share and bend
But no other can be told
Anything that means anything
No one can be trusted in life
Not even myself at all

To love is to hurt, -a lot
And to myself, pain I can bear
But to others, I dare not think
I should grab it and rip it away
Peal it off like an old bandaid
The sting, pinch, bite, will be
But once that passes, it's done
No more infliction caused
No more wounds deepened
No more heartach given
No more self blame for other's pain

"This could be the last mistake that I would ever wanna do"

"But I know what you want it to figure it out
And God knows I do too
What can I do? Say it's true
I'll never ask for anyone but you"

If Someone Does, Then We're Not Meant To Be

I will never fit into that place in your heart
Not completely, not entirely at all
You will never feel for me like that
Never feel like that for another being
Not in this romantic type of respect
There will always be others that mean more
They may never know the truth
But others involved will always see
This point in life, all is based around you
In some manner, shape, or form
Never in our lives will my heart be to you
What yours is when seen in my eyes
Rarely will the care given and shown
Be the same taken and received
But of course all of this is fine and well
Love will be handed to you on a golden platter
From any soul who sees as to who you are
Inside and out of your complicated shell

Into the Silence

Maybe if I were to walk into the silence
I could find the steadiness to deal
Allow myself the time to heal
Forgiveness has not been my friend
It has hidden from me to no end
Only in recent days have I realized
From myself I have been disguised
Hopefully once the concentration is found
To take myself inward bound
Concentrations will steadily come
To help me locate my approaching home
Into myself, I know I should look
But motivation needed, I’ve not seen my hook
Self understanding is far from a skill
Too soon I will have had my fill
Here shortly though I must travel
Down a long road formed of gravel
Or soon to see your lovely face
Will be full of an empty space

You Will Understand

I’m going to write you a song
I’m going to sing you a melody
I’m going to mold you a statue
Made out of solid gold
I’m going to speak to you
While your sleeping dreams wake
In these moments you will understand
Although the knowledge will not last
Just to the degree which my feelings heat
All the things you often question
Whether it be to me or in your soul
Every answer shall come to you
Never need I know if you’ve heard at all
For while your sleeping dreams awake
Those moments will quickly pass
I will sit up till dawn by your side
Sharing with you all of my light
The numerous things you should already hold
But alas if you do, I know not
For with all the time spent
In things of deepest emotion
Given to you at a distance
It is rarely shared if ever felt

Lucky I

My love for you pours from my fingertips
Beating in my heart with the memory of your voice
The thought of your face close to mine
Brings feelings of warmth and joy
A wish floats idly threw my head
The slow motion of an airplane above
Imagining your fingers laced with mine
May I feel your breath and taste your lips
Longing for your smell and soft touch
To hold you in my arms here tonight
Would be more than any gift ever given
Simply to have you near my heart
The Lord above shares such grace
The light which radiates from your eyes
Could do wonders for the human race
Were it a liquid form of power
Spilled over the masses to cure all evil
Oh! To be loved by you
It can carry a being through the day
Oh! To love you
Could carry and body through life
Oh! And lucky I
To be carried through and through

Just Some Things I've Tweeted; It's Like a Mini-Story

The floor is crumbling,
and I can't run enough supports under it
to give me the time to find a solution.
I'm going to need your help.

This floor, it falls.
It may be all in my head.
But down it goes,
and my moral along with it.

I got the help with those supports.
The floor does still have room on which to stand.
And the smell of the earth below
is beautiful.

Not the End

I've been told, by someone who means the world to me, that relationships mean learning grace.
I have more than enough grace to let go if I should.
The question is- do I have enough grace for myself, when it is all said and done?
Is my relationship with myself meaningless?
I would release any hold, for I have never claimed you as mine.
You are far from wrong in my eyes.
Hell, I am thankful that you realize.
I told you that we would if it were to happen.
Will it ever come back, do you think?
Or are we looking at a losing battle?
It’s alright. Yes.
It damn well will hurt, like HELL.
But if it’s not okay, it is not the end.

Into My Silence

I will fall asleep crying tonight
I am losing you and it is ever present
You are slipping away between my finger tips
And I wonder if I should let you go
I am going to lose my mind
I am praying that I might survive
It’s behind so much of what you say
I can feel it behind so much of what you do
It scares me, but I must face it head on
I am not going to trap you into this
I am not going to hold you down
And you have no need to watch the motions
As I drop so quickly down
Just go if that is what you want
You will be free of me, to do as you please
You have never needed my permission before
You definitely do not need it now
If you are going to walk out that door today
Just do it
No sense in worrying about me
I feel enough like excess baggage
Just let me scream into my own damn silence
Because the one person I want to hold me
Will be leaving with you

Some

That look is supposed to be mine
It’s supposed to be designated for me
To make me feel special and beautiful
But every single time you just give that look away
It makes it less special
And makes me increasingly less beautiful
In my heart, that look is always yours
There is no one else worthy of it
I can handle the attractions to others
But I already fear watching certain movies
For the anticipation of seeing that expression
Being so blatantly displayed
And now there is this
What you so loudly protested
And what has harmed you so in the past
Just tell me; just let me know if it’s true
Random strangers get that countenance
And my image decreases in value
I will manage; at least I think that I can
But not knowing, I feel, would be the worst
To find out later and be totally crushed
At least let me get used to it now

(Some reassurance may be needed sometimes, that you still even feel like that with me; that you aren’t ready to move on. Some.)

Just Kiss!

Feeling stressed, lost and barely able to breath lately? Struggling to find time for the one you love and not forget all you have to do in the process?

One small piece of advice:

Every once in a while, not too rarely and not too often, randomly, in a random place, pin your partner somewhere at least semi-private, and make out. Five minutes of a random make out session, allowing you both to really feel for one another and not have the pressure of being any more intimate, can really give a refreshing feeling not only to your relationship, but also to your individual self. Let your self get carried away for just a few minutes in the taste, smell, and feel of that someone special. You'll walk away with a smile on your face; that is as long as your timing isn't way off.

Love and be loved; it's a way to survive life a little happier.

And don't freak out about life too much anyway - after all, no one gets out alive. ; )

The Question

Ever since I was little, just past the stage of the “terrible two’s”
Any emotion beyond joy and pleasure were not to be shared
Any feelings felt in the realm of aggravation and anger
Remained inside unless totally alone behind closed doors
In silence I could scream, curse, whale, jump, fly off the handle
It was a way to stay sane, a way that kept on through the years
At first it was due to her, couldn’t stand any kind of emotional outburst
Then it became a method to keep things cool and calm
If nobody knows then what reason do they have to care
Now it is a habit set in motion, for nearly no one to see
There is a price to actually getting to know me
These things begin to be seen, heard, and felt
…
At this moment, I do not feel as though I should just give up
Although, I feel that is what I should be feeling
After all, in past times it was a normal wondering of mine
I view this as an improvement, even if not visible
I am finally letting it seep in what I hear from others when peace is in line
That I deserve more than I ever give myself credit for
So my question is not to be or not to be
And it is not to care or not to care
What truly remains is a question for you
The only one that sees me deep down inside
Do you want me to care or not to care
Do you want to continue in this path or out of it
Do you want to remain the one that helps inspire me
To become what I feel could be a much better version of myself
Or do you want to leave it alone, cut it off and let go
Before any fears or risks inside our minds are ever realized

Don't Do It

So, it turns out
I'm actually high strung
Deep down inside
Despite my outter self
Here's your warning now
Don't ever get that close

Truth

If it is supposed to happen
It will happen
I have faith in that
I might want it
I might worry over it on some level
But I am certain of my belief
Life happens, no matter what
Therefore I will not compromise now
For a future that might not exist

It Is Coming ( in need of edit)

Let's get away from me
Focus on something new
There will be a new beginning in here
The orgion of which is unknown
But still, it is coming
It is needed, and it is coming
A look into something else
Expanding on what is seen
Going beyond the surface
And finding a new concept for meaning
Let it come and be discovered
I will force it out with careful nudging
It is needed, and it is coming

Just One More Disruption

I'm depressed, alright?
I finally admitted it to myself
No matter how afraid I am to admit it to you
Good thing you don't get on here anymore
This would be a bad way for you to discover
That my mind has finaly traveled away
To those places that harbor pain and angery
To show me what is truly going on
I feel constantly, like your biggest distraction
Like the biggest pain on Earth for you
I don't even deserve to be here
But if that is the case, do I deserve to be at home
I can't even spell check what I am typing
Due to my own damn inability to function
Leave it to me, liking to write but unable to spell
You see, if I were to find these feelings
Sitting alone in a room with you
It would only lead to a total break down
Another way to disrupt your life

You are Human and It's Beautiful

How can someone not love you if they actually know you
You are complex and you are deep
You are stubborn and you are down to earth
You are sincere and you are private
You are brilliant and you are wise
You are sensitive and you are relatable
You are dependable and you are loyal
You are loved and you are intimidating
You are impressive and you are gorgeous
You are hard headed and you are a piece of art
You are motivated and you are passionate
You are caring and you are extremely forgiving
You are going places and you are going to make it somewhere
You are tolerant and you are someone others should learn from
You are human and you are you
Someone people need time to see
How can someone not love you if they actually know you

I am Human and It Sucks

How can someone love me if they don’t even know me
How can someone love me if they actually know me
I am simple and I am undercover complicated
I am stubborn and I am down to earth
I am thick and I am dense
I am quick to grasp and I am hard to read
I am over emotional and I am tough in nature
I am hidden and I am constantly on display
I am in love and I am often disliked
I am friendly and I am angry
I am quick tempered and I am crazy
I am unmotivated and I am not passionate
I am lazy and I am lost
I am going nowhere and I insist on being somewhere
I am in battle with myself and I am never going to win
I am human and I am me
Someone almost no one ever sees
How can someone love me if they don’t even know me
How can someone love me if they actually know me

What I Hear, What I see, Why am I me?

If I lose you tonight, I shall not be surprised
Maybe some what confused, but not at all surprised
I know I screw most everything up
The voices in my head completely agree
The past memories of words heard, from everyone
I have heard from those that I love the most
In moments that they claim to forget
That I am crazy and psychotic
That I am lazy and steal from friends
That I am a liar and won't amount to anything
From multiple people, multiple times
Granted I've also heard things of another sort
That I do not think enough of my self as a person
That I feel my problems are not even worth
Being the problems that maybe they are
For all I know I am completely insane
At least I feel I have a major tendency
To drive myself to that point, seriously
I manage to get on my own damn nerves
More than anyone ever says I get on theirs
It's like I've head-
"High strung people tend to drive low strung people nuts."

Water as Cold as Grief

Grief is like an ocean, bigger and deeper than all of us
Mean, cruel, as beautiful and dangerous as the devil
Its waves of pain come crashing in on every moment of weakness
Unexpectedly they creep into a roaring rumble inside the heart
No matter how used to the cold sting of the icy water
Someone may believe they have managed to become
No poor soul is ever prepared enough to remain standing
Through each magnificent blow of frothy heartache
They are to be knocked back and soaked through to the bone
Left to choke in a bottomless, freezing, chattering, all over chill
Seeking for a coat of warmth that only comes in seconds of denial
For even when one feels they have escaped the trident of sorrow
Sporadically the ice cold water wonders near, to be felt yet again
Ripping through placid eyes, the sound of another leaky faucet
Calling out for the right type of tool to fix the burning crack
To help heart and soul move on, dry and safe, back to land

Get Over It

Being there.
Would be more stressful.
Than staying here.
Could be.
Deal.

Speaking into Silence

Tears have formed in these hazel eyes
For what reason I have not a clue
Pain has again moved into this area
Most of these hours, thoughts run fine
Though for the past moments now
Things seem to have undergone a change
I would like to share this
I want to be open about such things
Speak
But within this quiet, empty space
My words go steadily unheard
And questions continually unanswered
Help is not available to alter
The situation in which I am in
Since writing seems to be leading
Directing my thoughts only here
To this one constant, remaining train
Moving across my sliding brain
Onto distraction, I will patiently go

Confession of the Friendless

This is a confession of the friendless
This is the ballad of the lonely
This is a plea to the life I lead
Please do not allow me to become bitter
Please do not let me rain on parades
Please help me not harbor hard feelings

I sit barely think of anything
Other than the only one my life holds
I sit and notice the whole world going by
Very few even seeing me here
I sit and wait for the one to return
As their live continues to move

Through all the trouble and pain
She moves, carrying herself onward
Finding times to enjoy and things to do
Spending time with remaining friends
Getting to know them better than before
From here I do my best to lend support

This is a confession of the friendless
This is the ballad of the lonely
This is a talk with the life I lead
I will go on this way for now
Until happenstance has this position changed
And I refuse to harbor hard feelings

Like a Riot

It contracts from the inside
My innards the specimen
Creating a simulation in my mind
Like a child, abused and broken
Finding the last of their spirit
Harnessing all that they can find
Placed into a last ditch effort
Pushing, pulling to break free
It comes all at once like a mob
The riot before the fall
Or the bang before the firework
Slowly my stomach crawls
Working its way up my esophagus
Soon to be tasted in my mouth
Not yet, it likes to take its time
I go to stand over its thrown
Ready to release its offering
But not yet does it come
Later maybe, more than likely
And this fever might as well remain
It likes to stay until all is settled
And every last crumb to be tossed
Escapes this cage of yellowing teeth

Red Veil

Slowly blood trickles down my already paling skin
Patiently it slips onto my eyelashes creeping along
Carefully and steadily it dips itself, drop by drop
Plops delightfully onto my cornea, trying to seep in
Although the barrier not be broken, still it blinds
As the donation is thinned by the beginning of tears
My vision turns from stark blindness to blurriness
Barely visible through a thin, wavering red veil
Like a snail it moves to creep down my round cheeks
An eternity turns over marking the time it takes
For the first rolling drop to reach the finish line
Taking an acrobatic dive off of the angle of my jaw
Aiming its self for my breasts, lying tentative below
My ripped blouse, shades of rosemary polished by white
On the floor crying, memories of what happened gone
infuriating fight to realize the gravity of my situation
Thoughts go fuzzy, time drifts away, leaving pictures
The last of things seen is a familiar image of a face
The hair, the shape, the name, all loved, now lost

Unmatched

As the color melts into the silence
It will be your light that shines the way
A crazy, winding path leading home
There is no place better than that
At which to end such a great journey
Best part of reaching the end of this story
Is knowing that truly it is only beginning
Another road in life, starting perfectly
Where two seem to end, only seem
In reality, the bigger picture seen above
They gather together, partnered to the end
Already off to the side, its sign is visible
A small circle, soon to swing around
Nestle at the base of where it belongs
The placement will be celebration
To commiserate a wonderful new start
A beginning heading toward an unmatched end

Who Knows-

Wondering if
You are going to swing by
And if you do
Will I ever know
It's so hard to be sure
Of what you see
Sometimes
I know these things
Most the time
I never do

Baby-

Robin,

I am so pathetic. This morning without you, I stayed in bed for hours, not wanting to get up and recognize the day. When I stubbornly did, ripe at 12:30pm, I groaned as I walked to use the restroom. (Did I mention that I woke at 9:19am?) It took me another half hour or more to decide to feed my stomach, which had told me of its hunger a few hours before. With lunch I got rid of that beverage we kept. It scared me, the affect it had. Made me really wish you were by my side.

The main plan for the day is to text you. That and enjoy the times you call and we actually talk on the phone. I like that we can talk on the phone. When did that happen anyway? It used to be so hard for us to do. The conversation helps a lot; you haven't been gone even 24 hours and I miss you like crazy. Of course I know that part of why I miss you this much already, is because you are so sick and I am not there to care for you like I like.

Goodness I hope that you get to feeling better soon. Here's to hoping that it is Strep. I don't think I could stand it being Mono. I know they would keep you there much longer than planned. I also know you would despise missing so much work; constantly praying that they would be understanding and keep you on staff. It would all be so sad, long, miserable, and lonely.

I don't know what I would do if you were gone that long. Don't get me wrong, I can take care of myself, and I would. But that does not by any means mean that I would want to. I always prefer to take care of those I love the most than worry for myself. Without you here to care for, see every day, and love on, I know I will be lonely, bored... sad. Not to mention worried as hell about you. Let us also not forget that over the past several months, I have quite nearly become dependent on the warm love you give to me constantly throughout the day.

I love you. I really love you. And I am praying, please feel better soon. I want to make that drive up there in a week, throw you into my arms, and bring you home. One the way, I will even stop to get you a wonderful meal (if time and money will allow) and thoroughly enjoy watching you take every bite. … I love you, Dear. Take care of yourself and feel better.

-Al

His Hands Can Mend This

A fever brings another chill
My stomach turns another corner
Again, my bowls quake
Can you hear the low rumble?
My breath moves to a shallow rhythm
As the bile in my esophagus rises
There is a pressure in my head
It comes and goes with the passing
Of other sensations, such as this
The feeling I might soon puke
I shiver in my chair wishing
Pleading with life to take me
To a place different than this
To my bed, when you are there
To your arms, when you feel fine
To home, which we know is you
To where I am comfortable
To where I am safe and free
Even if I try to not show
The truth behind these ill lines
When in the presence of her
The one I'd rather care for
Even though I greatly appreciate
Being sweetly cared for by him
Those hands of soft strength
Wrapped tightly around me
Bringing peace and happiness
To warm my ailing belly

Coices, Choices

In order to truly write, one must be willing to drop all walls and become completely open and transparent with the world. -Or desperately cling to all sense of anonymity. Your choice.

What Matters

This is from about a week ago.

You’ll never know, will you
How that has affected me
How it still affects me today
You’ll never really know
I cannot be sure of the reason
If you’ll never fathom it
The possibility that it could
Never take the time to realize
How it has played out for me
Or simply never ask
The roles of which it has taken
But truly and honesty
The reason has no importance
Really, neither does if you even know
It has and it does
And I know
I let it move me, help mold
Something better out of this clay
And I know
That is what matters

What Baby Needs

This is about a month old.

What Baby needs
Baby gets

You don’t know
The insides of this
You have let it out of your reach
Without thinking ahead
You simply pushed
Your access door aside
As result, it locked
Leaving a brief window
Through which to look
That is, when you bother

What Baby needs
Baby gets

I quickly fell in
Before your eye site
Are you jealous
If so, what for
This started at a time
Which came before
You became unsure of
Things within you
Do you think no one sees
Do you think no one cares

What Baby needs
Baby gets

I will not sit idly by
Watching you place Baby
In a corner Baby does not belong
This goes almost equally
For literally and figuratively
If at times you realize
A loss come between us
Know it is likely because of this
And I will not apologize
You pushed the door aside

What Baby needs
Baby Gets

Wish You Were Here With Me Instead

I hate making you uncomfortable. I get so frustrated with myself when I do, especially if I would not have had I given the topic a little more thought. But I fear I am fixed here, even though I know it is bugging you in at least in a back of the head, trying to not let it get to you kind of way- or worse. The closer and closer I got to this place, while driving, the more and more I knew I would be stuck here for a bit. When I get this pressure in my head, this fever, and my stomach feels as though it is so high up my throat that I am about to taste it in my mouth, I just don’t feel as though I can drive. I am sorry. I will as I always do, understand if you open the door to the truck this afternoon, ready to crawl into bed and forget the world. I know that if you try to not let it bother you, it will sit and stew without a lick of your permission. I just wish I had a friend down here now, just one, that I could chill with and it not be any problem; one that I could openly talk to about anything with no awkwardness and no feeling of leaving another friend friendless because I choose to hang out with them. I wish be both had at least one of that type of person. . . . At least I have you. I love you. . . . I wish you were here-

Feeling Romantic

I want to be one of those old couples. You know, the ones that even when they drift off every now and then in to another dimension, still remember that there is someone out there that they are madly in love with, who is also madly in love with them. The type of love that will always pull them back to Earth and reground them into reality beside that special someone. That rare species of partners that pass simultaneously, wrapped up in a moment of warmth and pure joy over being by the other’s side. I want this; I want it for us. What do you say? Do you think we can make it?

Always Remember

I wish to crawl back under your blanket
Which lay draped across your soft, naked body
Wrap myself around you, sleeping sound
Gently touch your delicate skin and hold
You in my arms like it's Christmas morning
Slowly stroke your back, belly, and sides
With love, the kind of which you have produced
Radiating from the palms of these hands
Carefully express to you my love with silence
As quietly you awake beneath my beaming smile
There shall be an emotion shining from my eyes
The likes of which you should always feel
As you roll into my embrace with a sleepy
And very much adorable grin of your own
I will lay a wish upon your mess of red hair
May moments like these last us a life time
Fill many mornings; continuing to take
Our breath right from our chests, cages that
Hold our stuttering hearts, side by side
And always remember, Dear ~ I love you

Ok, let's get this out of the way; if what I write is not truly how I feel, I say so. Note that I haven't said so.

To study your body is to begin a gentle slide
Into restful, peace-bringing reflection
The ability to stroke your soft, pale skin
Caress every line and curve of your torso
Feel of each muscle lining the edge of your body
Memorize the outline of every feature you own
Takes the state of meditation deep into my core
Bringing my mind and heart together as one
Elated, slow to move, barely able to breathe
My body nearly hibernates in a time warp
The cause of which, every single millisecond
Becomes equal to that, the span of an hour
At moments, an hour is nowhere near
Long enough to describe to slow pace of which
God brings me in moments like these
So that I might truly come to appreciate
The whole, inside and out, of this gift
One of which I am among the luckiest
To have had this bestowed upon my heart
It is with the sincerest of joy I pray
Giving thanks to the wealth of which
Now curls around me; Love
Love is what I have to offer in return
With all the thanks my soul can muster
Love for her is what I try so hard to show
She has possession of all I hold inside myself
One can only hope she knows

Sisters of Mine

I could use you now
Fall to your shoulder
And let these dismal tears fall
I could say they’re for them
I could say they’re for you
But you, both of you
Would know; they are for her
Her and the fear that comes
When I think of those nights
What if at helping her, I fail
What if I’m what pushes her over
The rocky edge on which she stands

What if
I could ask a million times
It doesn’t really matter, I know
As the days grow closer
And the weeks grow longer
As time moves its weary head
And more news bares its face again
It seems there is only more to add
To this heaviness on the world
Pressing down on the shoulders
Of this creature grown between
The two of our entangled souls

To the point now that it is
Trapped like a lost marsupial
Wondering of what is home
The anger from one dear friend
Can lead to a sadness and an ache
That reaches through the core
And trembles the foundation
Which calmly balances face
Composure needed in such space
As the one in which I sit, here
At this very moment now
With my fingers on the keys

Now that this wave of feeling
And looping circle of thought
Begin to come to plummeting halt
Here I am again, yet again
What if
What – if –

Holidays

How does one say
All the things
That need to be said
In times like these
Times of turmoil
And times of loss
Times of pain
And times in which we remember
The faces of those we've lost
And places we've been
All landing right in between
A time full of thanks
For all that we have
And a time of celebration
For love, joy, and togetherness
There is a sorrow that comes
Annually, about this time
It becomes wrapped up
And very much confused
With all the happiness
Of this long Holiday season
So here's a prayer for
All that need an extra lift
Beyond the carols that play
Daily in the shopping mall
May the warmth of the spirit
Surround you through the cold
And may all of those near and dear
Remind you of every ounce
Of what you mean to them
For we all could use a hug
At this time of year

Thus Far

If it can be helped
You know I'll not leave
Hopefully a conversation
Will work well for us
Six months thus far
And further
I'd really like to go
Maybe tomorrow will bring
A better future than today
Maybe time will bring
A sweeter life than this
Six months thus far
And further
I'd really like to go

It's a Gigantic Blob, Seriously

When I try to figure things out on my own
I merely walk in a steady circle and all emotions
Seem to run into one another and form a gigantic blob
I know not how to separate them; oh if I did
I would interrogate each individually until
I got to the bottom of the entire mess in my head
You were the one that helped me to realize
This issue I have had, for how long I don't know
It remains there today; as far as I can remember
You are the only to have ever helped me truly
Sort out the jumbled mix of feelings that
Tend to roam around wildly inside my brain
Now that you ask of me to figure it out
Completely all on my own, I begin to fear
That I am dependent on you in at least one way
The way that makes thing organized in me
And know I am lost; where do I go from here
If I sit and work long and hard enough
Will I be able to manage on my own; hell
Can I find the motivation for that, or will I
Again let myself fall into that same rut of sleep

Beyond the Veil

Normally with you
I can see colors surrounding your form
Unlike typical color-ology
Each is a color all your own
When I look at you at these times
I see a thin black veil
Covering a big ball of gray
Maybe even a little brown in spots
And at times that veil glows
An angry, rusty kind of red
But even when the glow is
At its most prominent shade
I know, deep down in the core
Are the rest of the array
Of the true colors that represent
The magnificent thing that is you
There they eagerly wait to fly high
And shine for the world
Like they so often do

No Matter the Truth

You sing to me the lyrics floating on your mind
What a fool I am, takes me this long to realize
But even though I have now, doesn't quite mean
That I know what you mean, when they are usually
Something different, when they are played in your head
How am I to know, even if I really do know
There is always a second guess, when I am lost
On how I am supposed to fit into this equation
Don't you remember, I am flunking the subject
Revolving around mathematical types of things
So here I sit lost in my own wondering on if
I messed up and again triggered that one button
Which I tip toe around, as to not make a sound
Or was it everything else nearby, leaving you
Wanting to scream out the door, slam down any wall
With your fists of furry and aggression at the world
And no matter what it was, if it really was
Should I watch every moment, for it all comes tumbling
Down when I am too near and you are not ready
To hear everything that weighs down on you
It is like I bring all of it closer to home when
All you want to do is become numb to the entirety
Of all that is out there and sensitive in the world
I could be completely wrong, sincerely off base
On all of that which I state, but this is my perception
Please, do correct me if I am wrong, I so often am
And no matter the truth, I will remain here
Waiting. Anytime that you happen to crash, it is
My honor to be the one, allowed to catch you
And even though I hate to see you fall, I will be here
To catch you as long as it my arms you truly want
Patiently waiting to break your plunge

The Whole Night

I'll hold you in my lap
And read to you softly
Writings from my heart
Light up the world
With a gentle lullaby
Inspired by your hair
Warm the cool night
With a heartfelt sigh
Moved by your smile
Embrace the quiet Earth
With hopeful prayers lured
By your sleeping breath
In the morning
When you wake
Still here I'll be
Holding you
The whole night through

Well, who would have thought.

"Black

"Along with white, black isn’t truly a 'color,' but using it on your site still says something about you. You may have hidden desires and depths that few people know about. You don’t open up to others easily, but the very enigma of you is what draws others to you – like moths to light. Using black on your site can show an air of secrecy, refinement and seductive beauty."

It Remains

The window may be frosted over
With struggle and depression
But through the glass lays
Something much deeper than that
Like a warming fire under the hearth
Or that one ornament on the tree
Maybe even that memorable space
Left behind
Like a blanket on the couch
There is a love in this house
One that is fragile yet strong
That is patient yet anticipating
It's there and it is growing
There are times that it swells
To a point the roof almost blows
Other times it shrinks and
In a sense hides its self away
But still it remains
Effervescent and powerful
Even when it's hard to see
Even though sometimes it's hard to feel
It remains, Exclaiming
I am here
I am here

Deja Vu

Deja vu in a

--troubled mind

Black cat in a
--crooked heart
Dragons in a
--screaming stomach
And the only
--sound I hear
Is of your voice
Savor the soft
--smell of reassurance
For it might be
--what saves me

Scream It

Scream into me
All your life
Story in song
Loud and proud
If need be
Make it soft
Dramatic and slow
I want to
Hear it, feel
It in my
Soul, beating through
The veins that
Throb in me
In your words
From your heart
Straight to mine
Like a heart
Song, only spoken
Out for me

Beautiful Little Screw Up

When I began this piece, I never imagined this is what would come~

I’ve become your beautiful little screw up
Wreaked at torn, beaten and battered
From the scars of a decent life
These are not the marks one should receive
From the blood that runs through my veins
But yet they run so deep, covered on the surface
Shallowly layered with denial and regret
The bandages from your whispered love
Have only covered so many of the burns
From the times you’ve spoken otherwise
When you are too angry for your own good
And slip the things you swore you’d never say
The sounds of which I’ve sadly learned to mimic
The memories are brought back to the things
That you might really think when you imagine
My 22 year old face in front of yours
Every time I begin to fail, I soar right back
To all the moments you flippantly disregard
All the encouraging words you have poured
Through your tiny lips into my psyche
And each time that I find that there is
One more thing you wrongly believe of my life
And choose to discuss with all but me
What is there to do anymore but to simply
Roll my eyes, shrug my shoulders, and walk away
All I will ever be for you is your youngest
Your sunshine and your fallen
Until you managed to let yourself know
That there is more to me, no matter how much
I fall behind, inside this adult body of mine
You have shaped most of it, and parts you may
Never like, but it is me, who I am
And I question, will you ever know

Yours

Wants

I want to buy you a palace
I want to compile you a book
I want to compose you a lullaby
I want to dance you a ballet
I want to find you a treasure
I want to gather you a bouquet
I want to invent you dessert
I want to move you a mountain
I want to paint you a picture
I want to play you a symphony suite
I want to produce you a movie
I want to sculpt you an image
I want to sing you a melody
I want to tangle you up in me
I want to write you a soliloquy

Sprinkling of Love

I cannot shield your eyes
From what you want to see
Projection is the enemy
What makes me want to scream
This story, like bread
Leaves its crumblings
Scattered around us
As we lay bare on the floor
Is there ever a single thing
Either of us can do
To keep this from falling
Breaking completely
To pieces at our feet

I try
You try
I think we both try
But here we are again
And again, and again
Why!
I don't understand
Is this your anger showing again
Failing to hide with all
The other emotions you tuck away
Am I losing touch again
With all I vowed to remember
Are we destined to lose
This game we so badly wish to win

I want to make it
I want to go that stretch
But not if I can never
Never help do anything
But cause these feelings in you
You wonder why I don't feel
Good enough at times
It because good for you
Isn't feelings like that
So much of the time
You help me to feel a though
I am good enough
I am the one that can
Make it there with you
Like you want to walk out
The other side of this life
Holding my hand too

But here we are again
And again, and again
Will it ever stop
Will the crumbs ever
Become the glittering
Of love that such throbbing
Passionate feelings
Should leave behind
As a mark on the world
A way of brightening life
And creating a better
Place to live
The kind we would
Sprinkling on kindling
Of our own inspiration

I cannot shield your eyes
From what you want to see
Projection is the enemy
What makes me want to scream
I want to make it
I want to go that stretch
I want to be
The one that can
Make it there with you

What a Basket of Laundry Can Bring

She walks to the other side of the room,
moves a basket of clothing left yet to fold by her side.
Gently she reaches in, grabbing articles,
slowly, one by one.
Delicately she folds every item of love,
lost in thought of how small each is.
Knowing that no matter the size,
they are strong and tough when fitted to the one they match.
Carefully they are placed away,
as to not disrupt the balance put in order.
Wondering, does she even know.
Can she even know.
The pleasure that comes with caring
about those tiny details that help
her to feel good in her own space.
The warming grin that follows
each tender touch of her clothing.
I know this is a joy I will gladly partake in
for years, and years, and years to come.

Of the One I Love

When I look at you, all I see is beauty
When I touch you, all I feel is splendor
When I listen to you, all I hear is a symphony
You are beautiful, every part of you

Even the scars your mother left
Even the marks from rebellious teenage years
Even the pain caused by those you thought you knew
Are beautiful; they are part of who you are

It is in each single amazing part of your being
Each sparkle in your freckles, eyes, cheeks when you smile
That bring these words to drip from my lips
You are beautiful, straight through your core

Even the large and small insecurities
Even the sometimes anger and frustration
Even the worry and fear deep down inside
Are beautiful; they are part of who you are

When I see you, all I see is love
When I feel of you, all I sense is majesty
When I watch you, all I see is a symphony
You are beautiful, every part of you