Bed Time

I have many things I could write out
To you, you, and you.
I have randomly spit several times
This long night through
But to put any of it down at this time
Simply keeps me from my bed.
And at this very moment
Sleep is way more important
Than any of your shit.

I'm In

I miss you.
I am sorry.
Of course I feel it is mainly my fault.
Hopefully we can pull it back.
Because as soon as my mind flickers to your face,
I am instantly misserable.
And when I am misserable,
I just want to fall into you.
Into what feels like home to me.
I love you with all that I am.
I know that we might not be meant to last.
But I feel in my gut that is supposed to be longer than this.
I want us to be given the chance to really try.
If I don't try, I will never care of myself again.
Baby, I want to be with you.
Baby, I want to love you.
Baby, I want to be loved by you.
I hope that somewhere in that overwhelmed, brilliant mind of yours
You can remember that at least a little;
For forever and always.

To .... Me

Hey You!
Yeah, you in the corner;
You don't say much?
Is everything ok?
...
Do I even know your name?
Are you going to respond;
Preferably with more than that stare?
...
I have a distant memory.
One of your face.
A blurry idea of a voice
That might fit your name;
A name I think I used to know.
...
It feels like one of those
Completely offhand memories
That a child claims
As one to remember
In their first years of life.
...
Would you tell me if I once knew you?
Did we once correspond?
Someone pointed in your direction,
Asking of your input;
I realized I've never asked.
...
Here you are,
In this place,
The same as me.
Shouldn't you have a say?
Don't you realize
As another part of the collective,
You have a voice as well?
...
What is it that makes you so silent?
Was it something I did?
Or did another cause this pain;
This awkwardness between us?
Is there a way to delete that?
...
I want an open dialog.
One that doesn't hurt.
One that doesn't feel
Like pulling one brick
From the bottom of The Great Wall.
...
I am sorry for the ignorance.
I know it will take time;
Time to heal these self inflicted wounds.
But I hope that we can grow,
Together;
Eventually rejoining as one.

Hammer

Do you have a hammer I can borrow;
One with which to beat things into my head?
Think
Feel
Be Open
Let Loose
Learn
Live
Remember

I try to make the motions of hammering,
But without the tool, each nail falls.
I can pick it up again and again,
No matter, I lose the nail another time.
Every time I hear that sounding ding,
Of another collision, nail to ground,
I look up and see it written clearer than before;
I failed my overall goal a little more.
If I don't find a hammer soon,
There will be nothing left to hammer for.

What if I do have a hammer in my hand,
But still manage to drop every nail?
Is it because my head is too hard,
Therefore there is no point in trying?
Is it because I'm not meant to grow
In the the way I want, despite determination?
What if I am simply nowhere near good enough,
And constantly manage to miss the aim?
Maybe the weight of it all causes too much slide,
Countering the few times my determination and will,
Actually manage to strike in the right spot.
Which of course would be like taking one step forward
Only to take 50 back.

I can only hope that I am getting a little better
At beating things into my head.
And then as I grow in skill,
I manage to come closer to each small goal;
Possibly leading to a better outlook for the larger picture.

I Would

If I could erase
All the fear
All the doubt
If I could remove
The pain
The struggle
If I could fix
All perseption
All confusion
If I could Replace
The hurt
The veiw
If I could
If I could
Baby I would
I would
With all the love, care, passion
You stir in me
If I could
If I could
Baby I would
I would

If I Could

If I could kiss your heart
And touch it's precious wings
Then maybe the lines would meet
All emotions would stir
And you would truly believe
With all that we are
Joined in that moment
Just how much
To say "In love"
Can never really be enough
To tell you how much
Every tiny piece
Of my heart and soul
Feel towards yours
And each spec of my body
Chemically leans in your direction

Thinking of Something You've Said

Like a curious child
Wondering around alone
You happened upon a flower
Nothing too special
But something intriguing
It's colors bright
In a way most aren't

You with your red hair
And numerous freckles
Feeling awe like that
A universe might cause
You squeeze in closer
For a better look

Decisions, decisions
And then you decide
Gently you pinch it's stem
And then lightly pull
Holding it near
Next to your heart

You slowly study
The number of peddles
After a time of breathing
And patiently wishing
You begin to take
Every precious tip
One by one
Carefully removing each

With the first one
You quietly recite
"Loves me"
Then the next
"Loves me not"

Alternating back and forth
Until all peddles are gone
Fallen to the ground
All but the last
With which you press
Softly to your cheek
"Loves me"

And then it was born
A small relationship
Becoming a bud
Now you lay back
Completely enjoying
Watching it blossom
Into something
Big and compellingly wondrous

Beauty In His Eyes

Can't you see the art in that? The music in that walk; the notes in that hair; the overture in that voice? How about the pastel in those eyes; the vision in those words; the movement in those hands? It's a piece of art, a piece of beauty; guess what else. - It's you.

Throw A Kiss In, Where Ever You Like // Can You See?

Walking through the door, shortly before,
I will think of what to prepare.
Will it be good enough? Will you want more?
Who am I kidding, you always want more.
And when you are home, we will dine;
Enjoy and discuss, life sits right.
After dishes and more conversation,
We can share space, do what we need.
Working individually; yet with each other.
Stopping time and we are settling down.
Comfortably we will go down for the night;
Under blankets, safe and warm.
Reading time starts, before we snuggle.
Sleeping soundly, side by side,
Knowing there is no better place, to wake,
Than right where we are.


...


If you read this, do you know?
What is my sex, my gender, my identity?
What about my partner, can you see theirs?
You thought I was a woman;
You thought they were a man;
I'm right, aren't I?
Too bad you are wrong.
Not too bad for you;
Too bad for me;
For us;
For the world.
Why can't you, all of you, just see;
There is nothing abnormal,
Nothing different,
About our relationship,
When it is compared to most you see.
So let us alone,
In loving harmony.
For above is the vision I have,
When I think of the one I love.

Sesons Change

Try to throw yourself into the last of the summer air
Wearing too little and not giving a damn
Go for a run, hike, or swim
Nothing can stop the unyielding passion you feel
The leaves are beginning to turn
And those closest can tell
See if the seasons can change soon enough
To fit the unintentional urge
Hoping you can remember
No matter what, you'll have shelter near by
Even if it starts to rain today
Or the blizzards come
You will be just fine here in stable air
If I have anything to do with it
Love will carry you through