Thus Far

If it can be helped
You know I'll not leave
Hopefully a conversation
Will work well for us
Six months thus far
And further
I'd really like to go
Maybe tomorrow will bring
A better future than today
Maybe time will bring
A sweeter life than this
Six months thus far
And further
I'd really like to go

It's a Gigantic Blob, Seriously

When I try to figure things out on my own
I merely walk in a steady circle and all emotions
Seem to run into one another and form a gigantic blob
I know not how to separate them; oh if I did
I would interrogate each individually until
I got to the bottom of the entire mess in my head
You were the one that helped me to realize
This issue I have had, for how long I don't know
It remains there today; as far as I can remember
You are the only to have ever helped me truly
Sort out the jumbled mix of feelings that
Tend to roam around wildly inside my brain
Now that you ask of me to figure it out
Completely all on my own, I begin to fear
That I am dependent on you in at least one way
The way that makes thing organized in me
And know I am lost; where do I go from here
If I sit and work long and hard enough
Will I be able to manage on my own; hell
Can I find the motivation for that, or will I
Again let myself fall into that same rut of sleep

Beyond the Veil

Normally with you
I can see colors surrounding your form
Unlike typical color-ology
Each is a color all your own
When I look at you at these times
I see a thin black veil
Covering a big ball of gray
Maybe even a little brown in spots
And at times that veil glows
An angry, rusty kind of red
But even when the glow is
At its most prominent shade
I know, deep down in the core
Are the rest of the array
Of the true colors that represent
The magnificent thing that is you
There they eagerly wait to fly high
And shine for the world
Like they so often do

No Matter the Truth

You sing to me the lyrics floating on your mind
What a fool I am, takes me this long to realize
But even though I have now, doesn't quite mean
That I know what you mean, when they are usually
Something different, when they are played in your head
How am I to know, even if I really do know
There is always a second guess, when I am lost
On how I am supposed to fit into this equation
Don't you remember, I am flunking the subject
Revolving around mathematical types of things
So here I sit lost in my own wondering on if
I messed up and again triggered that one button
Which I tip toe around, as to not make a sound
Or was it everything else nearby, leaving you
Wanting to scream out the door, slam down any wall
With your fists of furry and aggression at the world
And no matter what it was, if it really was
Should I watch every moment, for it all comes tumbling
Down when I am too near and you are not ready
To hear everything that weighs down on you
It is like I bring all of it closer to home when
All you want to do is become numb to the entirety
Of all that is out there and sensitive in the world
I could be completely wrong, sincerely off base
On all of that which I state, but this is my perception
Please, do correct me if I am wrong, I so often am
And no matter the truth, I will remain here
Waiting. Anytime that you happen to crash, it is
My honor to be the one, allowed to catch you
And even though I hate to see you fall, I will be here
To catch you as long as it my arms you truly want
Patiently waiting to break your plunge

The Whole Night

I'll hold you in my lap
And read to you softly
Writings from my heart
Light up the world
With a gentle lullaby
Inspired by your hair
Warm the cool night
With a heartfelt sigh
Moved by your smile
Embrace the quiet Earth
With hopeful prayers lured
By your sleeping breath
In the morning
When you wake
Still here I'll be
Holding you
The whole night through

Well, who would have thought.

"Black

"Along with white, black isn’t truly a 'color,' but using it on your site still says something about you. You may have hidden desires and depths that few people know about. You don’t open up to others easily, but the very enigma of you is what draws others to you – like moths to light. Using black on your site can show an air of secrecy, refinement and seductive beauty."

It Remains

The window may be frosted over
With struggle and depression
But through the glass lays
Something much deeper than that
Like a warming fire under the hearth
Or that one ornament on the tree
Maybe even that memorable space
Left behind
Like a blanket on the couch
There is a love in this house
One that is fragile yet strong
That is patient yet anticipating
It's there and it is growing
There are times that it swells
To a point the roof almost blows
Other times it shrinks and
In a sense hides its self away
But still it remains
Effervescent and powerful
Even when it's hard to see
Even though sometimes it's hard to feel
It remains, Exclaiming
I am here
I am here

Deja Vu

Deja vu in a

--troubled mind

Black cat in a
--crooked heart
Dragons in a
--screaming stomach
And the only
--sound I hear
Is of your voice
Savor the soft
--smell of reassurance
For it might be
--what saves me

Scream It

Scream into me
All your life
Story in song
Loud and proud
If need be
Make it soft
Dramatic and slow
I want to
Hear it, feel
It in my
Soul, beating through
The veins that
Throb in me
In your words
From your heart
Straight to mine
Like a heart
Song, only spoken
Out for me

Beautiful Little Screw Up

When I began this piece, I never imagined this is what would come~

I’ve become your beautiful little screw up
Wreaked at torn, beaten and battered
From the scars of a decent life
These are not the marks one should receive
From the blood that runs through my veins
But yet they run so deep, covered on the surface
Shallowly layered with denial and regret
The bandages from your whispered love
Have only covered so many of the burns
From the times you’ve spoken otherwise
When you are too angry for your own good
And slip the things you swore you’d never say
The sounds of which I’ve sadly learned to mimic
The memories are brought back to the things
That you might really think when you imagine
My 22 year old face in front of yours
Every time I begin to fail, I soar right back
To all the moments you flippantly disregard
All the encouraging words you have poured
Through your tiny lips into my psyche
And each time that I find that there is
One more thing you wrongly believe of my life
And choose to discuss with all but me
What is there to do anymore but to simply
Roll my eyes, shrug my shoulders, and walk away
All I will ever be for you is your youngest
Your sunshine and your fallen
Until you managed to let yourself know
That there is more to me, no matter how much
I fall behind, inside this adult body of mine
You have shaped most of it, and parts you may
Never like, but it is me, who I am
And I question, will you ever know

Yours

Wants

I want to buy you a palace
I want to compile you a book
I want to compose you a lullaby
I want to dance you a ballet
I want to find you a treasure
I want to gather you a bouquet
I want to invent you dessert
I want to move you a mountain
I want to paint you a picture
I want to play you a symphony suite
I want to produce you a movie
I want to sculpt you an image
I want to sing you a melody
I want to tangle you up in me
I want to write you a soliloquy

Sprinkling of Love

I cannot shield your eyes
From what you want to see
Projection is the enemy
What makes me want to scream
This story, like bread
Leaves its crumblings
Scattered around us
As we lay bare on the floor
Is there ever a single thing
Either of us can do
To keep this from falling
Breaking completely
To pieces at our feet

I try
You try
I think we both try
But here we are again
And again, and again
Why!
I don't understand
Is this your anger showing again
Failing to hide with all
The other emotions you tuck away
Am I losing touch again
With all I vowed to remember
Are we destined to lose
This game we so badly wish to win

I want to make it
I want to go that stretch
But not if I can never
Never help do anything
But cause these feelings in you
You wonder why I don't feel
Good enough at times
It because good for you
Isn't feelings like that
So much of the time
You help me to feel a though
I am good enough
I am the one that can
Make it there with you
Like you want to walk out
The other side of this life
Holding my hand too

But here we are again
And again, and again
Will it ever stop
Will the crumbs ever
Become the glittering
Of love that such throbbing
Passionate feelings
Should leave behind
As a mark on the world
A way of brightening life
And creating a better
Place to live
The kind we would
Sprinkling on kindling
Of our own inspiration

I cannot shield your eyes
From what you want to see
Projection is the enemy
What makes me want to scream
I want to make it
I want to go that stretch
I want to be
The one that can
Make it there with you

What a Basket of Laundry Can Bring

She walks to the other side of the room,
moves a basket of clothing left yet to fold by her side.
Gently she reaches in, grabbing articles,
slowly, one by one.
Delicately she folds every item of love,
lost in thought of how small each is.
Knowing that no matter the size,
they are strong and tough when fitted to the one they match.
Carefully they are placed away,
as to not disrupt the balance put in order.
Wondering, does she even know.
Can she even know.
The pleasure that comes with caring
about those tiny details that help
her to feel good in her own space.
The warming grin that follows
each tender touch of her clothing.
I know this is a joy I will gladly partake in
for years, and years, and years to come.

Of the One I Love

When I look at you, all I see is beauty
When I touch you, all I feel is splendor
When I listen to you, all I hear is a symphony
You are beautiful, every part of you

Even the scars your mother left
Even the marks from rebellious teenage years
Even the pain caused by those you thought you knew
Are beautiful; they are part of who you are

It is in each single amazing part of your being
Each sparkle in your freckles, eyes, cheeks when you smile
That bring these words to drip from my lips
You are beautiful, straight through your core

Even the large and small insecurities
Even the sometimes anger and frustration
Even the worry and fear deep down inside
Are beautiful; they are part of who you are

When I see you, all I see is love
When I feel of you, all I sense is majesty
When I watch you, all I see is a symphony
You are beautiful, every part of you