All the Words

All the words I feel I may never be able to say will sometime pour out to the world in a song from my window, and I'm sure you will be the first to hear all those words you never imagined you'd hear.

…

All the words I fear the world may never be able to hear, will one day pour out to the world in a song from this tall tower, and I'm sure you will be the first to hear those avid words you never imagined would be proclaimed.

This Thing

I recognize
The last short piece
"Helpless"
Stated you need
Not to worry
With tending to me
This was silly
I realize this now
I do want
To lean on you
I promise it's true
But this thing
This particular thing
I want it gone
Almost wiped clean
As I've said
It's been this way
For a while
I can't help but feel
It's over
And I should be done

Helpless

I don't even know what I'm crying for
Part of me just wants a hug
I laid near you for a few
Just to be by your side
But I feel I was just in the way
Of your deeply sleeping body
I would have curled around you
But once again you're burning up
I really wish you felt better
Sitting back and watching you
Just trying to do the best you can
Despite the pain and nausea
I feel helpless and ...
And up until you began to doze
You wanted to cheer me up
This doesn't feel much different
Than it has for a good while
I don't know why I'm sad now
It doesn't make any sense
And I really don't want you to feel
That you need to tend to me
Or to my ever slipping mood
It'll come back I promise
Just try to take care of you
And please let me know
If there is anything I can possibly do

Wonder what'll happen if you stumble across this...

I spent time trying to work my way into what was bothering you for weeks, months even, without you ever letting me in at all. Then I lose myself for a few weeks, and all of a sudden I am the worst friend in the world? Bull shit. You think I am rejecting you? You think that this is all on me!! You have to be kidding me. Every time I send you any amount of communication is just another time you don't respond. Just another time you ignore me. I remember a time when you would practically bite my head off any time I went more than 3minutes without responding to things you would say. I NEVER pulled that shit on you.

I once left the one I love when she needed me around just to try and reconnect with you. But none of it is good enough is it? None of it. I hope you get over yourself enough to read that damn letter, you want to know why!? Because then you might see that I don't blame you for anything that has happened. Then you might understand that I had gotten seriously sick at one point because of things I was dealing with in my own damn life. I don't feel I need to get down on bended knee and apologize for being 21 and majorly depressed, thinking of dropping out of school, and leaving everyone behind because I truly believed all of you were better off without me.

If that is truly your attitude, then you probably gave up a good ways back and just didn’t want it to seem like you were so quickly letting go. Have a happy life, hope you remember my name, as I will never, EVER forget yours. Best Friend.

Writing (portion 2)

To commit one's thought to writing.
To put it in a form that others can read.
Words that others may or may not comprehend.
Which spark them to think, about something new or something old.
Our own thoughts and feelings put on page,
Using imagery, allegory, and metaphor.

Such as to mention a candle of a slightly orange tint, burning softly in one foggy window of that rickety, old house down the block that one chilly night, when everything seemed- almost too quiet.

Or to discuss a story:
One about two boys, Chucky and Tommy, both around the age of six, whose parents have brought them together to play. Chucky has a particular toy bug, Garry, that he holds very dear. It's a green bug with antennas that light up when you squeeze it; he sleeps with it every night. Tommy saw Garry while over at Chuckey’s house. He thought it was one of the best toys he'd ever seen. Tommy decided he wanted to play with Garry; this is when he did just as he had been taught and asked Chucky if he could. Chucky was hesitant and finally said no. Tommy didn't mind; they played with Legos instead.

Later that night, long after Tommy had been picked up by his parents, Chuckey’s brother Jack, would not let him play with his Nintendo. Chucky became upset and disappointed. After talking to his mom, Chucky remembered that it is Jack's Nintendo, and hoped that maybe Jack would let him play another day. When Chucky got up the next morning to get ready for school, he decided to pack Garry in his backpack so that Tommy could play with it during recess.

One could even bring up...
The cup of tap water sat there half empty; its life half passed and slowly being taken away in short spurts. This cup of water was all she had this morning. There was nothing too special about turning 46 after all.

It's almost weird when you think about it,
All the things writing can do.
Writing can
Outline law for a group of individuals,
Ask questions,
Get answers,
Be formal,
Very casual,
Express what we feel,
Or say nothing at all.
Writing is simply what it is.
It just so happens that what it is to me,
Is a way of saying everything
Without being trapped into saying anything.

Writing (portion 1)

Writing.

What is this exactly?
Can I get a text book definition please?
Ok:
"writ·ing
[rahy-ting]

–noun
1. the act of a person or thing that writes.
2. written form: to commit one's thoughts to writing.
3. that which is written; characters or matter written with a pen or the like: His writing is illegible.
4. such characters or matter with respect to style, kind, quality, etc.
5. an inscription.
6. a letter.
7. any written or printed paper, as a document or deed.
8. literary or musical style, form, quality, technique, etc.: Her writing is stilted.
9. a literary composition or production.
10. the profession of a writer: He turned to writing at an early age.
11. the Writings, Hagiographa.
—Idiom
12. writing on the wall. handwriting ( def. 4 )"
-- Dictionary.com

"2. written form: to commit one's thoughts to writing." -- It speaks to me.

Like Streusel

The other morning my first alarm chimed
As the song was silenced, important facts were remembered
I had a friend nearby, snuggled up and warm
Quickly over to her side, seeing that darling face
Distraction soon, freckles of a streusel like memory
Suddenly a hand appears, caressing that sweet skin
A slow and steady massage for every possible ache that may one day come
Recognition begins, that's my baby, that's my hand
What a great way to start what was to be a long day
But not any of that day matters now, just that moment
That wonderful, soft, sensual moment, “Mmm”
Watching that precious sleep for a glimpse in time
Roll into the loving touch of a comforting palm
Patiently yielding to the movement over muscle
Slowly, gently, pushing and pulling to relieve and relax
These seconds could last forever, I could fall asleep in them
Like a cool breeze on a warm afternoon, moving through your hair
Daydreams come like wishes, of kisses, and tight embraces
Happiness to know I get to hold part of you with me
As your eyes open, and that moment fades
Sitting on my brain like a lingering taste
Of a streusel like memory

Of an Under Paid Stranger

Hours, time, thought, my mind poured out
Spilled into an oozing mess across the page
It feels like watching that one scary movie
You swore you'd never see again
You already have a good insight of what's to come
But you know you'll be taken there anyway
A place so nerve wreaking it rattles the brain
It's what I feel as it gets closer to time
To lick that one dreaded yet hopeful stamp
March my perplexed behind down six flights
Visit the off-campus, out-going box and wait
For my chance of retreat to disappear
In the unknowing hands of an under-paid stranger

What day is it anyhow?

That hammer!
Can I blame this on that damn hammer!
This throbbing pain inside my skull
I have been thinking, I have been trying
I am not seeing how it has been helpful
Maybe it's only been a couple of days
I'm not sure, what day is it anyhow?

Up and down... up and down... up and down
I don't even know which way faces out it seems
I wish I knew what was truly there
Bothering, bugging, spinning around
Why don't I know... I am afraid to push
But I am here, I swear I am here
Even when
Half in another land you slightly turn away

Yes dear, yes, my heart is breaking for you
Yes dear, yes, I can barely stand all that is going down
But did you hear me the other day? I know you did
I have awakened myself to knowing that even though
Things are as they are, what is now, is now
And I can be part of that, part of what keeps things sane
So please, Lord please, don't be wary of letting me in
Please, Lord please help me remember all that I know

If a word or a phrase needs to be in place
To bring me back to my list of what to remember
Then let there be such a thing in our vocabulary
We shall mutter it any time I begin to slip
Until my slips are nearly none
What I want to do is be available for you
For whatever it is you might possibly need
For whatever it is you might possibly want

That hammer!
Can I blame this on that damn hammer!
This throbbing pain inside my skull
I have been thinking, I have been trying
I am not seeing how it has been helpful
Maybe it's only been a couple of days
I'm not sure, what day is it anyhow?

Remold, Recreate

How do I show you all I want to show you
Help you to understand all you need to understand
To see everything you might find of use
Whether it has been in my sight or not
I'd like to make this a better world for you
A better world for you and I

Can you imagine changing it together
No matter if we are side by side or apart
We have the potential to make our mark
At least I know you do
Why would God allow the possibilities
If they weren't supposed to exist
Would so many books already be open
If their messages weren't meant to have an affect
This Earth has the ability to adapt
To grow with the rising movements
Let’s challenge it, push it to that point
Remold the collective thought
Recreate the Seven Wonders of the World

How do we show them all we want to show them
Help them understand all they need to understand
To see everything that is of use
Whether it has been in our sight or not
I'd like to make this a better world for them
A better world for each of us

As Summer Slips

(This piece was originally written at Spencer's Coffee shop a few weeks ago during a poetry reading. I have edited only the ending.)

I stand here before all of your faces
Most of which I've never seen
And most of which I will never see again
Feeling moved to write moments ago
And for what reason I'll never know
I sat and let these words spin
They came quickly and smoothly
Complete without complication
Almost as if urging me to read
But I feel as though if I did
It would be with a roaming imagining
Of one of your many faces
Being annoyed by this rushed work
Just enough to clock me in the head
With some random object in your sight
A blow hard enough to clear my mind
To make so many troubles disappear
All that has plagued these first days of school
So that all that would remain
Lingering in this skull could consist of
Every bit of good brought to me
From the summer quickly slipping away

My Letter To You

Hello,
I know you don't know me, but I think you're pretty. I will finish this later when you are not yelling me to get a move on things so we can be done. Your anonymous admirer.

Well, Are You?

When I say I love you and I miss you
And you don't respond
When I address the issue you brought up
And you don't respond
When I truly want to know what's going on
And you only give me fluff
Are you really trying at all?

Melissa Said It Best

"I would dial the numbers
Just to listen to your breath
I would stand inside my hell
And hold the hand of death
You don't know how far I'd go
To ease this precious ache
You don't know how much I'd give
Or how much I can take
Just to reach you"

So don't ever think that you aren't worth it. That our love isn't worth it. I just question as to whether or not I can ever actually be worth the hell You go through.

{Don't Read This; You Won't Like It}

I feel like I fail
Epically and pathetically
Ever letting things bother me
You say I've changed
That I used to find the positive
I've heard I've done that
All the way from birth
I didn't realize I stopped
It feels as though
All I am doing now
Is letting you down
I don't want that at all
I am trying to find a better me
I wish you knew, truly knew
You have inspired that in me
Without you
I'm not sure where I'd be
Stuck in the motions?
Completely lost and alone?
And I have done almost squat in return
I do not expect a thing from you
I only wish for you to do
Whatever is best for you
As long as you are trying
To do just that task
You will never fail me

Explosion

Hide my head between my knees
So that maybe I'll be the only one to feel
The explosion bound to come
The final "Bam!" to end it all
The only question is
Will it be my heart
Or will it be my brain
Both throb with aching confusion
Lost in worry, dread, and hope for love
Maybe one day soon all will be calm
Before the end comes
And I'm all gone

Dominos

The Dominos, they fall
Knocking one down after another
Sometimes they fall in clusters
Or in groups
You can look back to the beginning
To the very first piece
You know where it started
Knowing they may never stand again
As time goes and more fall
You think there may be an end
Then "wham!"
Watching in awe
You see a second starting point
"So that's how it came so fast."
In your direction they ascend
With all the confusion
You are frozen motionless
Simply waiting to see
If you will be wacked away
In the final fall

The Education

I want to be part of the education.
Not the education that says what's right;
As with do not know all that is right,
But the education that teaches tolerance.
Tolerance of all everyday people;
For we all have to share this Earth together.
And besides, all reason argues tolerance as common decency.
Is common courtesy such a taboo thing today?
So taboo that even those with it
Born into their human nature lose
All sense of how kind kind can be
Under the influence of the society at large?

Diminutive Giant

I am watching the bones
Of this beautiful skeleton break
As time is reversed to replace and recover
All the damage that has been done
And to think most of it was by you
You manipulative, diminutive giant, you
All the progress that has been made
With every single step forward
Might soon be gone and erased from time
Put back into the closet from whence they came
And why? Because there are too many
Ignorant hypocrites, quickly skimming the cover
Of the book of life, failing to take note
Of any possible deeper meaning between the lines
Sometimes the abstract doesn't say it all
And you people fail to realize
It is open for interpretation
By those willing to read
So go ahead, carry on
Let it all wash away into the sea
Of outcasts and misfits you wish believed
If only believing didn't mean having
All the equivalent wretched ideas and
Shunning all the same types of clothing
On the covers of those you actually bother to skim

Crawl

It's like a traffic jam
Everything at a crawl
Construction waiting to start
The only difference is
Our's is the only car on the road

Tonight

Prick
Pop
And trickle
Down tattered bark
Trunk in a shamble
Clinging for solid ground
One limb down
Two
Then Three
Branches broken
Ripped
And splintered
Leaves thrown
To and fro
Few are left

Let it burn now
That's what they want
See it all in flames
Down to ash
What started as a seed
In one warm bosom
Nurtured by another
And grown
To such magnitude
Slowly ending tumbled
And busted in Hell

From the inside
There are screams
That can be felt
Rippling across the Earth
The scratching of roots
Can be heard
As the tree fights
For dear life

Many see
With bleeding hearts
Watching a handful
Attack earnestly
Battle axes in hand
No block
No defense
The tree
Fighting still
Praying for what’s right
Whatever it may be
To come to view
And end this
Tonight

As Ripped from Jen Clapper (FB)

"Did you know that every 18 minutes, 1 person dies from suicide.

And about 1/3 of those people were bullied because of their sexuality or gender identity?

When you say '...so gay,' that adds one more chance for that Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transgender individual to crack.
...

Enough is enough."