Unmatched

As the color melts into the silence
It will be your light that shines the way
A crazy, winding path leading home
There is no place better than that
At which to end such a great journey
Best part of reaching the end of this story
Is knowing that truly it is only beginning
Another road in life, starting perfectly
Where two seem to end, only seem
In reality, the bigger picture seen above
They gather together, partnered to the end
Already off to the side, its sign is visible
A small circle, soon to swing around
Nestle at the base of where it belongs
The placement will be celebration
To commiserate a wonderful new start
A beginning heading toward an unmatched end

Who Knows-

Wondering if
You are going to swing by
And if you do
Will I ever know
It's so hard to be sure
Of what you see
Sometimes
I know these things
Most the time
I never do

Baby-

Robin,

I am so pathetic. This morning without you, I stayed in bed for hours, not wanting to get up and recognize the day. When I stubbornly did, ripe at 12:30pm, I groaned as I walked to use the restroom. (Did I mention that I woke at 9:19am?) It took me another half hour or more to decide to feed my stomach, which had told me of its hunger a few hours before. With lunch I got rid of that beverage we kept. It scared me, the affect it had. Made me really wish you were by my side.

The main plan for the day is to text you. That and enjoy the times you call and we actually talk on the phone. I like that we can talk on the phone. When did that happen anyway? It used to be so hard for us to do. The conversation helps a lot; you haven't been gone even 24 hours and I miss you like crazy. Of course I know that part of why I miss you this much already, is because you are so sick and I am not there to care for you like I like.

Goodness I hope that you get to feeling better soon. Here's to hoping that it is Strep. I don't think I could stand it being Mono. I know they would keep you there much longer than planned. I also know you would despise missing so much work; constantly praying that they would be understanding and keep you on staff. It would all be so sad, long, miserable, and lonely.

I don't know what I would do if you were gone that long. Don't get me wrong, I can take care of myself, and I would. But that does not by any means mean that I would want to. I always prefer to take care of those I love the most than worry for myself. Without you here to care for, see every day, and love on, I know I will be lonely, bored... sad. Not to mention worried as hell about you. Let us also not forget that over the past several months, I have quite nearly become dependent on the warm love you give to me constantly throughout the day.

I love you. I really love you. And I am praying, please feel better soon. I want to make that drive up there in a week, throw you into my arms, and bring you home. One the way, I will even stop to get you a wonderful meal (if time and money will allow) and thoroughly enjoy watching you take every bite. … I love you, Dear. Take care of yourself and feel better.

-Al

His Hands Can Mend This

A fever brings another chill
My stomach turns another corner
Again, my bowls quake
Can you hear the low rumble?
My breath moves to a shallow rhythm
As the bile in my esophagus rises
There is a pressure in my head
It comes and goes with the passing
Of other sensations, such as this
The feeling I might soon puke
I shiver in my chair wishing
Pleading with life to take me
To a place different than this
To my bed, when you are there
To your arms, when you feel fine
To home, which we know is you
To where I am comfortable
To where I am safe and free
Even if I try to not show
The truth behind these ill lines
When in the presence of her
The one I'd rather care for
Even though I greatly appreciate
Being sweetly cared for by him
Those hands of soft strength
Wrapped tightly around me
Bringing peace and happiness
To warm my ailing belly

Coices, Choices

In order to truly write, one must be willing to drop all walls and become completely open and transparent with the world. -Or desperately cling to all sense of anonymity. Your choice.

What Matters

This is from about a week ago.

You’ll never know, will you
How that has affected me
How it still affects me today
You’ll never really know
I cannot be sure of the reason
If you’ll never fathom it
The possibility that it could
Never take the time to realize
How it has played out for me
Or simply never ask
The roles of which it has taken
But truly and honesty
The reason has no importance
Really, neither does if you even know
It has and it does
And I know
I let it move me, help mold
Something better out of this clay
And I know
That is what matters

What Baby Needs

This is about a month old.

What Baby needs
Baby gets

You don’t know
The insides of this
You have let it out of your reach
Without thinking ahead
You simply pushed
Your access door aside
As result, it locked
Leaving a brief window
Through which to look
That is, when you bother

What Baby needs
Baby gets

I quickly fell in
Before your eye site
Are you jealous
If so, what for
This started at a time
Which came before
You became unsure of
Things within you
Do you think no one sees
Do you think no one cares

What Baby needs
Baby gets

I will not sit idly by
Watching you place Baby
In a corner Baby does not belong
This goes almost equally
For literally and figuratively
If at times you realize
A loss come between us
Know it is likely because of this
And I will not apologize
You pushed the door aside

What Baby needs
Baby Gets

Wish You Were Here With Me Instead

I hate making you uncomfortable. I get so frustrated with myself when I do, especially if I would not have had I given the topic a little more thought. But I fear I am fixed here, even though I know it is bugging you in at least in a back of the head, trying to not let it get to you kind of way- or worse. The closer and closer I got to this place, while driving, the more and more I knew I would be stuck here for a bit. When I get this pressure in my head, this fever, and my stomach feels as though it is so high up my throat that I am about to taste it in my mouth, I just don’t feel as though I can drive. I am sorry. I will as I always do, understand if you open the door to the truck this afternoon, ready to crawl into bed and forget the world. I know that if you try to not let it bother you, it will sit and stew without a lick of your permission. I just wish I had a friend down here now, just one, that I could chill with and it not be any problem; one that I could openly talk to about anything with no awkwardness and no feeling of leaving another friend friendless because I choose to hang out with them. I wish be both had at least one of that type of person. . . . At least I have you. I love you. . . . I wish you were here-

Feeling Romantic

I want to be one of those old couples. You know, the ones that even when they drift off every now and then in to another dimension, still remember that there is someone out there that they are madly in love with, who is also madly in love with them. The type of love that will always pull them back to Earth and reground them into reality beside that special someone. That rare species of partners that pass simultaneously, wrapped up in a moment of warmth and pure joy over being by the other’s side. I want this; I want it for us. What do you say? Do you think we can make it?

Always Remember

I wish to crawl back under your blanket
Which lay draped across your soft, naked body
Wrap myself around you, sleeping sound
Gently touch your delicate skin and hold
You in my arms like it's Christmas morning
Slowly stroke your back, belly, and sides
With love, the kind of which you have produced
Radiating from the palms of these hands
Carefully express to you my love with silence
As quietly you awake beneath my beaming smile
There shall be an emotion shining from my eyes
The likes of which you should always feel
As you roll into my embrace with a sleepy
And very much adorable grin of your own
I will lay a wish upon your mess of red hair
May moments like these last us a life time
Fill many mornings; continuing to take
Our breath right from our chests, cages that
Hold our stuttering hearts, side by side
And always remember, Dear ~ I love you

Ok, let's get this out of the way; if what I write is not truly how I feel, I say so. Note that I haven't said so.

To study your body is to begin a gentle slide
Into restful, peace-bringing reflection
The ability to stroke your soft, pale skin
Caress every line and curve of your torso
Feel of each muscle lining the edge of your body
Memorize the outline of every feature you own
Takes the state of meditation deep into my core
Bringing my mind and heart together as one
Elated, slow to move, barely able to breathe
My body nearly hibernates in a time warp
The cause of which, every single millisecond
Becomes equal to that, the span of an hour
At moments, an hour is nowhere near
Long enough to describe to slow pace of which
God brings me in moments like these
So that I might truly come to appreciate
The whole, inside and out, of this gift
One of which I am among the luckiest
To have had this bestowed upon my heart
It is with the sincerest of joy I pray
Giving thanks to the wealth of which
Now curls around me; Love
Love is what I have to offer in return
With all the thanks my soul can muster
Love for her is what I try so hard to show
She has possession of all I hold inside myself
One can only hope she knows

Sisters of Mine

I could use you now
Fall to your shoulder
And let these dismal tears fall
I could say they’re for them
I could say they’re for you
But you, both of you
Would know; they are for her
Her and the fear that comes
When I think of those nights
What if at helping her, I fail
What if I’m what pushes her over
The rocky edge on which she stands

What if
I could ask a million times
It doesn’t really matter, I know
As the days grow closer
And the weeks grow longer
As time moves its weary head
And more news bares its face again
It seems there is only more to add
To this heaviness on the world
Pressing down on the shoulders
Of this creature grown between
The two of our entangled souls

To the point now that it is
Trapped like a lost marsupial
Wondering of what is home
The anger from one dear friend
Can lead to a sadness and an ache
That reaches through the core
And trembles the foundation
Which calmly balances face
Composure needed in such space
As the one in which I sit, here
At this very moment now
With my fingers on the keys

Now that this wave of feeling
And looping circle of thought
Begin to come to plummeting halt
Here I am again, yet again
What if
What – if –

Holidays

How does one say
All the things
That need to be said
In times like these
Times of turmoil
And times of loss
Times of pain
And times in which we remember
The faces of those we've lost
And places we've been
All landing right in between
A time full of thanks
For all that we have
And a time of celebration
For love, joy, and togetherness
There is a sorrow that comes
Annually, about this time
It becomes wrapped up
And very much confused
With all the happiness
Of this long Holiday season
So here's a prayer for
All that need an extra lift
Beyond the carols that play
Daily in the shopping mall
May the warmth of the spirit
Surround you through the cold
And may all of those near and dear
Remind you of every ounce
Of what you mean to them
For we all could use a hug
At this time of year

Thus Far

If it can be helped
You know I'll not leave
Hopefully a conversation
Will work well for us
Six months thus far
And further
I'd really like to go
Maybe tomorrow will bring
A better future than today
Maybe time will bring
A sweeter life than this
Six months thus far
And further
I'd really like to go

It's a Gigantic Blob, Seriously

When I try to figure things out on my own
I merely walk in a steady circle and all emotions
Seem to run into one another and form a gigantic blob
I know not how to separate them; oh if I did
I would interrogate each individually until
I got to the bottom of the entire mess in my head
You were the one that helped me to realize
This issue I have had, for how long I don't know
It remains there today; as far as I can remember
You are the only to have ever helped me truly
Sort out the jumbled mix of feelings that
Tend to roam around wildly inside my brain
Now that you ask of me to figure it out
Completely all on my own, I begin to fear
That I am dependent on you in at least one way
The way that makes thing organized in me
And know I am lost; where do I go from here
If I sit and work long and hard enough
Will I be able to manage on my own; hell
Can I find the motivation for that, or will I
Again let myself fall into that same rut of sleep

Beyond the Veil

Normally with you
I can see colors surrounding your form
Unlike typical color-ology
Each is a color all your own
When I look at you at these times
I see a thin black veil
Covering a big ball of gray
Maybe even a little brown in spots
And at times that veil glows
An angry, rusty kind of red
But even when the glow is
At its most prominent shade
I know, deep down in the core
Are the rest of the array
Of the true colors that represent
The magnificent thing that is you
There they eagerly wait to fly high
And shine for the world
Like they so often do

No Matter the Truth

You sing to me the lyrics floating on your mind
What a fool I am, takes me this long to realize
But even though I have now, doesn't quite mean
That I know what you mean, when they are usually
Something different, when they are played in your head
How am I to know, even if I really do know
There is always a second guess, when I am lost
On how I am supposed to fit into this equation
Don't you remember, I am flunking the subject
Revolving around mathematical types of things
So here I sit lost in my own wondering on if
I messed up and again triggered that one button
Which I tip toe around, as to not make a sound
Or was it everything else nearby, leaving you
Wanting to scream out the door, slam down any wall
With your fists of furry and aggression at the world
And no matter what it was, if it really was
Should I watch every moment, for it all comes tumbling
Down when I am too near and you are not ready
To hear everything that weighs down on you
It is like I bring all of it closer to home when
All you want to do is become numb to the entirety
Of all that is out there and sensitive in the world
I could be completely wrong, sincerely off base
On all of that which I state, but this is my perception
Please, do correct me if I am wrong, I so often am
And no matter the truth, I will remain here
Waiting. Anytime that you happen to crash, it is
My honor to be the one, allowed to catch you
And even though I hate to see you fall, I will be here
To catch you as long as it my arms you truly want
Patiently waiting to break your plunge

The Whole Night

I'll hold you in my lap
And read to you softly
Writings from my heart
Light up the world
With a gentle lullaby
Inspired by your hair
Warm the cool night
With a heartfelt sigh
Moved by your smile
Embrace the quiet Earth
With hopeful prayers lured
By your sleeping breath
In the morning
When you wake
Still here I'll be
Holding you
The whole night through

Well, who would have thought.

"Black

"Along with white, black isn’t truly a 'color,' but using it on your site still says something about you. You may have hidden desires and depths that few people know about. You don’t open up to others easily, but the very enigma of you is what draws others to you – like moths to light. Using black on your site can show an air of secrecy, refinement and seductive beauty."

It Remains

The window may be frosted over
With struggle and depression
But through the glass lays
Something much deeper than that
Like a warming fire under the hearth
Or that one ornament on the tree
Maybe even that memorable space
Left behind
Like a blanket on the couch
There is a love in this house
One that is fragile yet strong
That is patient yet anticipating
It's there and it is growing
There are times that it swells
To a point the roof almost blows
Other times it shrinks and
In a sense hides its self away
But still it remains
Effervescent and powerful
Even when it's hard to see
Even though sometimes it's hard to feel
It remains, Exclaiming
I am here
I am here

Deja Vu

Deja vu in a

--troubled mind

Black cat in a
--crooked heart
Dragons in a
--screaming stomach
And the only
--sound I hear
Is of your voice
Savor the soft
--smell of reassurance
For it might be
--what saves me

Scream It

Scream into me
All your life
Story in song
Loud and proud
If need be
Make it soft
Dramatic and slow
I want to
Hear it, feel
It in my
Soul, beating through
The veins that
Throb in me
In your words
From your heart
Straight to mine
Like a heart
Song, only spoken
Out for me

Beautiful Little Screw Up

When I began this piece, I never imagined this is what would come~

I’ve become your beautiful little screw up
Wreaked at torn, beaten and battered
From the scars of a decent life
These are not the marks one should receive
From the blood that runs through my veins
But yet they run so deep, covered on the surface
Shallowly layered with denial and regret
The bandages from your whispered love
Have only covered so many of the burns
From the times you’ve spoken otherwise
When you are too angry for your own good
And slip the things you swore you’d never say
The sounds of which I’ve sadly learned to mimic
The memories are brought back to the things
That you might really think when you imagine
My 22 year old face in front of yours
Every time I begin to fail, I soar right back
To all the moments you flippantly disregard
All the encouraging words you have poured
Through your tiny lips into my psyche
And each time that I find that there is
One more thing you wrongly believe of my life
And choose to discuss with all but me
What is there to do anymore but to simply
Roll my eyes, shrug my shoulders, and walk away
All I will ever be for you is your youngest
Your sunshine and your fallen
Until you managed to let yourself know
That there is more to me, no matter how much
I fall behind, inside this adult body of mine
You have shaped most of it, and parts you may
Never like, but it is me, who I am
And I question, will you ever know

Yours

Wants

I want to buy you a palace
I want to compile you a book
I want to compose you a lullaby
I want to dance you a ballet
I want to find you a treasure
I want to gather you a bouquet
I want to invent you dessert
I want to move you a mountain
I want to paint you a picture
I want to play you a symphony suite
I want to produce you a movie
I want to sculpt you an image
I want to sing you a melody
I want to tangle you up in me
I want to write you a soliloquy

Sprinkling of Love

I cannot shield your eyes
From what you want to see
Projection is the enemy
What makes me want to scream
This story, like bread
Leaves its crumblings
Scattered around us
As we lay bare on the floor
Is there ever a single thing
Either of us can do
To keep this from falling
Breaking completely
To pieces at our feet

I try
You try
I think we both try
But here we are again
And again, and again
Why!
I don't understand
Is this your anger showing again
Failing to hide with all
The other emotions you tuck away
Am I losing touch again
With all I vowed to remember
Are we destined to lose
This game we so badly wish to win

I want to make it
I want to go that stretch
But not if I can never
Never help do anything
But cause these feelings in you
You wonder why I don't feel
Good enough at times
It because good for you
Isn't feelings like that
So much of the time
You help me to feel a though
I am good enough
I am the one that can
Make it there with you
Like you want to walk out
The other side of this life
Holding my hand too

But here we are again
And again, and again
Will it ever stop
Will the crumbs ever
Become the glittering
Of love that such throbbing
Passionate feelings
Should leave behind
As a mark on the world
A way of brightening life
And creating a better
Place to live
The kind we would
Sprinkling on kindling
Of our own inspiration

I cannot shield your eyes
From what you want to see
Projection is the enemy
What makes me want to scream
I want to make it
I want to go that stretch
I want to be
The one that can
Make it there with you

What a Basket of Laundry Can Bring

She walks to the other side of the room,
moves a basket of clothing left yet to fold by her side.
Gently she reaches in, grabbing articles,
slowly, one by one.
Delicately she folds every item of love,
lost in thought of how small each is.
Knowing that no matter the size,
they are strong and tough when fitted to the one they match.
Carefully they are placed away,
as to not disrupt the balance put in order.
Wondering, does she even know.
Can she even know.
The pleasure that comes with caring
about those tiny details that help
her to feel good in her own space.
The warming grin that follows
each tender touch of her clothing.
I know this is a joy I will gladly partake in
for years, and years, and years to come.

Of the One I Love

When I look at you, all I see is beauty
When I touch you, all I feel is splendor
When I listen to you, all I hear is a symphony
You are beautiful, every part of you

Even the scars your mother left
Even the marks from rebellious teenage years
Even the pain caused by those you thought you knew
Are beautiful; they are part of who you are

It is in each single amazing part of your being
Each sparkle in your freckles, eyes, cheeks when you smile
That bring these words to drip from my lips
You are beautiful, straight through your core

Even the large and small insecurities
Even the sometimes anger and frustration
Even the worry and fear deep down inside
Are beautiful; they are part of who you are

When I see you, all I see is love
When I feel of you, all I sense is majesty
When I watch you, all I see is a symphony
You are beautiful, every part of you

Let's Think Back

I want to walk out of the other side of this life
Comfortably holding palm to home, warm
Gently cradling pale skin, entangled fingers
Free to play with graying hair, move to
Slide it behind lightly freckled ears
Able to openly graze soft and red, patient
Moist, wet, glorious lips, sweetly against mine
Into your angelic eyes I will look, with a flicker
Flashing memory of all our life, love, time
Can you imagine that moment, of realization?
It might come over breakfast, while we watch grandkids
Or maybe at 5:13am when we randomly awake peacefully
And we find that: we – have – made – it
Thinking back to this thought from a time long passed
Of walking out the other side of this life
Comfortably holding palm to home, warm
Gently cradling pale skin, entangled fingers

Inside

I am just a scared little child
Afraid of what you really think
Afraid of what you really see
Afraid of who I really am
I don’t think you will fail
I don’t think you have completely lost your way
I don’t think you have entirely left him
I do think that I might fail
I do fear I again will completely lose my way
I do wonder if I even know him
I used to admire your certainty
I wanted to use it as a guide to find my own
I fear now that I have caused you to lose yours
Afraid that I am bringing you down
Afraid that I will slowly ruin your confidence
Afraid I cannot stop the inevitable
I don’t think you would let me bring you down
I don’t think I am the only harming your confidence
I don’t think I know the inevitable
I do know that you lift me up
I do know that you raise my confidence
I do know that I try; but merely I fail
I wonder am I getting closer to the goal
I’m I failing less each time/less often
I probably have false hope there
Either way- how am I to know
I cannot seem to see past my insecurity, fear, and irrationality to know

So this is what it feels like

Finding that you’re now wrong
That you’ve severely changed
And maybe you’re nearly gone
With the feeling of failure comes more failure
With the notions of hurt come more pain
I’m always losing, I worry I’ll lose you
I’m always screwing up, I worry I’ll screw up with you
Maybe this is why I have become a loser
I am grumpy with those who know me
Really with those who see me
Problem is you’re the only one that knows me
I think you know me
We both think you know me
I’m not sure I even know me
It wouldn’t be the first time

If you were there I would be more nervous
Only because there would be reason to be nervous
Seeing you would make it real
Make me more than a fly on the wall that no one sees
Make my voice more than a hum no one will remember
Make the words mean something to someone
The fact that you care, you want to be there
The fact that you give a damn, more than a damn
Brings me to float on air, you don’t even know
It scares me in a sense; who would ever bother to cause that
But I know that answer
You even help me feel you really don’t think it’s a bother
But here I am with my heart on my sleeve, ready to hide it away
I’ve been so worried about busting yours wide open
Not even seeing that I fear for my own

I cannot help how crazy I am; if I can I don’t know how
I’ve heard the things you say, it doesn’t release the fear
That you will see I am too crazy, too much work
I can’t even manage to treat you the way I want to treat you
When I want to treat you the best
We have gotten passed my nervousness that others
Would be what drives a wedge between us
We have gotten passed worry that we can’t keep it real
Even passed our concealment, which kept us in this room
And now only the worst of me is left to be discovered
Of all the things I believe you feel, because I feel similar towards you
Although I love your complexity, quirks, and the
Sometimes odd things you do, it is hard
Very hard to think you would ever be willing to put up with
My irrational insanity, let alone love me despite

Hypocrites

Hypocrites
Mother Fucking
Hypocrites

You are bathed in your own lies
Swimming in a tub of snake tongues
Scorpion spines and rattle bites
You are only exposed in the places needed for torture
The rest is smothered in a thick skin
Of false morals and harsh criticism
Eyes that are used to spy past purity and beauty
Noses for looking down and snuffing out
Ears to overhear for self-interpretation
Mouths of a shape similar to that of Devil's Snare

With words dripping full of underlying dissonance
A sound sailing passed clones of given praise
Swerving to smack the cheeks of "heathens"
And those you are hell-bent on "saving"
Despite the bullying damage of which you inflict
Pushing them away, yet each of you claim
You only want what is best for them and theirs
Almost as if to say, let us forget-
It is only Dear Daddy God's place in which to judge

Bible-thump upside the heads of those bobbling on the line
Of where they are and where they might be
Yes knock them down as they try their hardest
Because that is so what they need
Claim the name of Christ in your favor
Without ever thinking to ask
The easiest and most commonly life saving questions
"How are you?"
"Do you need to talk?"
"Where is it that you feel lost?"

Or sincerely and genuinely
Openly and honestly
Doing the timeless truly Christian thing
Being there no matter the difference in beliefs
Reminding the wavering and the non-believers
Of love and forgiveness
Kindness and trust
The basics of morals that several have forgotten
And way too many humans fallaciously declare

It is as if you purposely overlook and deny
The facts of what your actions and at times, lack of, cause
It has been said that to be a bystander, a witness
Idly standing by and doing not a thing
As others torment and antagonize those that are different
Is a much worse, more common, and harmful crime
Than to be the one causing all the pain
Tearing down goals and dreams of bright and intelligent
Hopeful prospects of which might help develop a better world

So there you lie
Swimming in a sea of brim stone
Floods and burning bush
You are only floating on the feelings of a higher status
Watching the rest sink in a play of your own delusion
Of false principles and harsh condemnation
Friends that are used to spy past transparency and magnificence
Religion for putting down and abandonment
Ideals built on shallow self-interpretation
Minds of a silhouette similar to that of classic cults

Hypocrites
Mother Fucking
Hypocrites

Forever Luck

How did I ever get so lucky
As to have you in my arms
May this luck never fade
Nor melt away in time
You bring me to flight
Forever with you
Forever in me
Now ever the same

O.K.

O.K. Today, you've done better. You have gotten your emotions mostly in check.
Please, for the love of all that is good, innocent, and holy in this world, keep them in check. You balled yesterday over nothing; not again. I know you're nauseous right now- and if you throw up that's fine. Just sit back and remember that there is reason to smile. There are things that brighten your life, you are a very lucky person to be where you are, and you can do what there is for you to do; your emotions need not get in the way of that.
Got it?
Good.

This Sea of You

Naw’ Baby, you're not pulling me down. I'm just trying to keep you afloat. I can do my best to get you to the water's edge, but only you can pull yourself out from beyond the deep. Always know though, that I will have a grip on your loveable hand, ready to support you if you begin to slip. I can shine light on different ways out, but your path is mapped only by your destiny. Your faith, heart, and mind alone hold its key. When the time comes, the legend’s cipher will be clear, and you will be able to lifeguard your own sea once more.

The Thing Is:

See the thing is:
Even the off days are some of the best days when they're with you.
The okay days are more than okay ever is when they're with you.
And the best of days are made a million times better when they're with you.
Days without you are some of the worst days because they're not with you.
Okay days spent alone are basically not okay when they're not with you.
And good days will never be more than that when they're not with you.

See the thing is:
I love you.
I am in love with you.
And I despise the moments I make you feel otherwise.
I want to be with you.
I love being near you.
And I can't stand the moments I make you feel otherwise.

Se the thing is:
You don't suck.
You are way better than that.
I wish I knew how to show you all you are in my eyes.
This could be worse.
This will get much better again.
I wish I knew how to show you all our possibilities in my eyes

Human

Maybe we're both simply human in this crazy world- and at times it is hard to be human together when neither of us want the troubles that come with human nature.

But Now

Finally, you helped me get to a point in time
Where I didn't dislike myself so much
Where I felt maybe I might deserve all of this
Where I didn't constantly think you could do better
And yes, that is "You" helped me
But now that's where you are
And what is it that I do
I am so stupidly selfish, that I freak out
When I don't have a clue of what to do for you
And I continue to freak out more
Each time every attempt falls through
If only I could keep in my mind: it is not my place
To fly off the handle and get so irritated
Simply because nothing is helping you
With that, all I do is make things worse
I'm sorry, No really, I'm sorry
I am irrational and pathetic at times
I am those things and more at the worst times
Sad to realize, that writing all this out
Is not helping my brain in the least
Figure out what I am supposed to do
Or how I am supposed to act
When your brain takes you to those places
As long as I am doing things confusedly
How can I even begin to do right for you

Carried Away

Sometimes you just want to scream
Get your emotions out across the wind
Let them flow from your window
Connecting with the Earth in every molecule
Let it dissipate as it resonates, carried away
Leaving your lungs room for easier breath
Breathing better now it’s gone from you

But how to scream when time is wrong
Or when no sound will come
From your overwhelmed, stumbling body
Is there away to reach such a release
One that does not jeopardize any one
Else's mind, emotions, or state of being
When all need is felt for a scratchy throat

(This may have more to it later, not sure.)

May Another Moment Come

I want badly to have simile and metaphor on hand
To tell the world the thought and vision held here
At the very forefront of all on my tingling brain
But even a word for word, detailed description
Could not do justice to these things that I feel

My privilege it was, to sit and watch her don
Her burgundy striped polo and loose blue jeans
Seeing her enjoy the new hair cut that frames her face
With it in her eyes, she sought a way to keep it back
My hat, I placed backwards upon her head

She paused for a moment to give a song a listen
Stopped there, her fingers playing my bed
Like the electric keyboard I've seen in pictures before
Enjoying the notes flowing through her ears
Her head gently bobbed to the rhythm of sound

She glanced in my direction with a quirky little grin
And in that moment I began to fall once again
More and more in love with her and her beautiful soul
Turned her around and kissed her as my breath left
There in that second only one thought came to mind

My heart was swelling and my love still growing
I wished with all that I had to hold on to
That another moment would come like this in a number of years
That I would be prepared and could drop to one knee
And ask her to be with me for the rest of our lives

I want badly to have simile and metaphor on hand
To tell her the thoughts and vision written here
Paving the forefront of all on my tingling brain
But even a word for word, detailed description
Could not do justice to these things that I feel

Seeking to See or Hear

Where is the answer to the question that I seek
If I were to go to the top of the highest mountain
Swim below in the deepest of waters
Would the clarity of mind come to give me truth
If clarity were to come to this trying soul
Would it bring any answers to this need
Is there someone/something out there in this world
That holds the key to this large wondering
Something beyond the prayers that have been sent
For which a response may at a time come
But not soon enough do I see or hear

Oh to be crystal and clear by what is felt
For the truth to be shown through and through
What is known and should be known by all
What is hidden at times and overly pushed at others
Life could be more full of love and likewise
Love could be more full of life
Did I only know how to show what is real
To the one person I wish knew it best
Then maybe more hurt would be spared
And eyes could look into and see what lies beneath
Hopeful this may be, but hopeful it will remain

This Two-Man Plane

I don't know where this will take us
Or how far we will go, but for now
I ask that you forgive me when I struggle
I do so because I feel so out of control
When it comes to the things that affect us most
I am not in control at all
Trust has to be placed to such a degree
In God and in you
It is a truly scary thing; yes I know
You do silicate my opinion, but
When it comes down to the final word
I have absolutely no say at all

What I do know is that I am not going anywhere
I am here by your side, in the wings of
This two-man plane in stable air
For as long as you will have me here
Nothing they say will take that away
None of our arguments will change this fact
I know at times, I let it all get in the way
But I am stupid to do so, and every time
I will find a way to cross that hurtle
And once again hold you tight in my arms
Right here, where we belong
For as far as we can possibly go

The Biggest Position We Shall Ever Fill

I can only imagine being able to be that person
Still together at that time, working by your side
In the biggest position we shall ever fill
The most important job we will ever know
If only our love could one day become so powerful
That it bursts into new life between us
A new being with its very own heart beat
Its own movement, soul, and forming thoughts
Being able to learn all we have to teach
About God, love, respect, and life
Ever growing and ever changing, with influence
From both our minds and both our hearts
And the love of all those who surround
Our cherished little family, where ever we go
First we can start with one of our own blood
Search for a match, I will dig and find
The most Irish red head this world has seen
Later we can consider adoption, here or over seas
No matter the age, we will love them the same
And they will love you the same; us the same
The order doesn't much order, nor do the numbers
Simply the love and care that goes into
This special and lovely career we will share
So here’s to hoping that I can be that person
That one day it will be more than an imagining
Still together at that time, working by your side
In the biggest position we shall ever fill

Great Little Wonder

Cuteness
That's all there is to say about that little wonder
When my lovely, red head, beauty is paired
With some of the sweetest little darlings
This bright eyed world has so far seen
(Which, aren't they all the most precious)
They sit, they play, they share, they talk
With the younger of the two dears
They are silly, and they laugh a brilliant laugh
The likes of which I hear few have seen
Hopefully one day I can bear witness
To this great wonder, part of which I cherish so

I Mean It

How?
I just want to know: how?
I've changed.
You've changed.
We have both changed.
What are you hanging on to?
Nothing real.
You realize this don't you?
If my stuff is making it worse,
Then get rid of it.
I do plan to retrieve it,
But I can't just yet.
I'm sorry.
But it is over.
Done. Gone.
I hope you can move on.
Preferably sooner rather than later.
For your sake, really;
I mean it.

What Do You Say?

I'm starting to see
That maybe you were right, My Dear
There may be no one in this world that you can trust
I hate this
I want to be able to fully say you can trust me
Most the time I completely feel that you can
But the signs are beginning to show truth
A few of those I felt I could share with most
Have proven reality isn't as it was seen
It comes back, it bites, and it bites hard
It's disgusting really, watching it all tumble
Down to a burning crisp
To them I may one day ask, "Is this the intent,
Behind all the shared words and skewed stories;
The ones you never seemed to quite get clear?"
Those with questions should ask for answers
Going straight to the original source
Who can tell a tail verbatim? I cannot, I assure you
Can we just end this all tonight
All this dag-on bull shit?
Look at that, you have brought me down
To swearing in verse, something I rarely do
I beg you please; you have already shoved it all aside
Recognize what you have done; Do Not apologize
Just let it go, wash those hands clean
I'll still be here if you wish to come forward
Past this mess, out the other side
More unsoiled than before we became so buried
It can leave us and cause stink no more
What do you say?

All the Words

All the words I feel I may never be able to say will sometime pour out to the world in a song from my window, and I'm sure you will be the first to hear all those words you never imagined you'd hear.

…

All the words I fear the world may never be able to hear, will one day pour out to the world in a song from this tall tower, and I'm sure you will be the first to hear those avid words you never imagined would be proclaimed.

This Thing

I recognize
The last short piece
"Helpless"
Stated you need
Not to worry
With tending to me
This was silly
I realize this now
I do want
To lean on you
I promise it's true
But this thing
This particular thing
I want it gone
Almost wiped clean
As I've said
It's been this way
For a while
I can't help but feel
It's over
And I should be done

Helpless

I don't even know what I'm crying for
Part of me just wants a hug
I laid near you for a few
Just to be by your side
But I feel I was just in the way
Of your deeply sleeping body
I would have curled around you
But once again you're burning up
I really wish you felt better
Sitting back and watching you
Just trying to do the best you can
Despite the pain and nausea
I feel helpless and ...
And up until you began to doze
You wanted to cheer me up
This doesn't feel much different
Than it has for a good while
I don't know why I'm sad now
It doesn't make any sense
And I really don't want you to feel
That you need to tend to me
Or to my ever slipping mood
It'll come back I promise
Just try to take care of you
And please let me know
If there is anything I can possibly do

Wonder what'll happen if you stumble across this...

I spent time trying to work my way into what was bothering you for weeks, months even, without you ever letting me in at all. Then I lose myself for a few weeks, and all of a sudden I am the worst friend in the world? Bull shit. You think I am rejecting you? You think that this is all on me!! You have to be kidding me. Every time I send you any amount of communication is just another time you don't respond. Just another time you ignore me. I remember a time when you would practically bite my head off any time I went more than 3minutes without responding to things you would say. I NEVER pulled that shit on you.

I once left the one I love when she needed me around just to try and reconnect with you. But none of it is good enough is it? None of it. I hope you get over yourself enough to read that damn letter, you want to know why!? Because then you might see that I don't blame you for anything that has happened. Then you might understand that I had gotten seriously sick at one point because of things I was dealing with in my own damn life. I don't feel I need to get down on bended knee and apologize for being 21 and majorly depressed, thinking of dropping out of school, and leaving everyone behind because I truly believed all of you were better off without me.

If that is truly your attitude, then you probably gave up a good ways back and just didn’t want it to seem like you were so quickly letting go. Have a happy life, hope you remember my name, as I will never, EVER forget yours. Best Friend.

Writing (portion 2)

To commit one's thought to writing.
To put it in a form that others can read.
Words that others may or may not comprehend.
Which spark them to think, about something new or something old.
Our own thoughts and feelings put on page,
Using imagery, allegory, and metaphor.

Such as to mention a candle of a slightly orange tint, burning softly in one foggy window of that rickety, old house down the block that one chilly night, when everything seemed- almost too quiet.

Or to discuss a story:
One about two boys, Chucky and Tommy, both around the age of six, whose parents have brought them together to play. Chucky has a particular toy bug, Garry, that he holds very dear. It's a green bug with antennas that light up when you squeeze it; he sleeps with it every night. Tommy saw Garry while over at Chuckey’s house. He thought it was one of the best toys he'd ever seen. Tommy decided he wanted to play with Garry; this is when he did just as he had been taught and asked Chucky if he could. Chucky was hesitant and finally said no. Tommy didn't mind; they played with Legos instead.

Later that night, long after Tommy had been picked up by his parents, Chuckey’s brother Jack, would not let him play with his Nintendo. Chucky became upset and disappointed. After talking to his mom, Chucky remembered that it is Jack's Nintendo, and hoped that maybe Jack would let him play another day. When Chucky got up the next morning to get ready for school, he decided to pack Garry in his backpack so that Tommy could play with it during recess.

One could even bring up...
The cup of tap water sat there half empty; its life half passed and slowly being taken away in short spurts. This cup of water was all she had this morning. There was nothing too special about turning 46 after all.

It's almost weird when you think about it,
All the things writing can do.
Writing can
Outline law for a group of individuals,
Ask questions,
Get answers,
Be formal,
Very casual,
Express what we feel,
Or say nothing at all.
Writing is simply what it is.
It just so happens that what it is to me,
Is a way of saying everything
Without being trapped into saying anything.

Writing (portion 1)

Writing.

What is this exactly?
Can I get a text book definition please?
Ok:
"writ·ing
[rahy-ting]

–noun
1. the act of a person or thing that writes.
2. written form: to commit one's thoughts to writing.
3. that which is written; characters or matter written with a pen or the like: His writing is illegible.
4. such characters or matter with respect to style, kind, quality, etc.
5. an inscription.
6. a letter.
7. any written or printed paper, as a document or deed.
8. literary or musical style, form, quality, technique, etc.: Her writing is stilted.
9. a literary composition or production.
10. the profession of a writer: He turned to writing at an early age.
11. the Writings, Hagiographa.
—Idiom
12. writing on the wall. handwriting ( def. 4 )"
-- Dictionary.com

"2. written form: to commit one's thoughts to writing." -- It speaks to me.

Like Streusel

The other morning my first alarm chimed
As the song was silenced, important facts were remembered
I had a friend nearby, snuggled up and warm
Quickly over to her side, seeing that darling face
Distraction soon, freckles of a streusel like memory
Suddenly a hand appears, caressing that sweet skin
A slow and steady massage for every possible ache that may one day come
Recognition begins, that's my baby, that's my hand
What a great way to start what was to be a long day
But not any of that day matters now, just that moment
That wonderful, soft, sensual moment, “Mmm”
Watching that precious sleep for a glimpse in time
Roll into the loving touch of a comforting palm
Patiently yielding to the movement over muscle
Slowly, gently, pushing and pulling to relieve and relax
These seconds could last forever, I could fall asleep in them
Like a cool breeze on a warm afternoon, moving through your hair
Daydreams come like wishes, of kisses, and tight embraces
Happiness to know I get to hold part of you with me
As your eyes open, and that moment fades
Sitting on my brain like a lingering taste
Of a streusel like memory

Of an Under Paid Stranger

Hours, time, thought, my mind poured out
Spilled into an oozing mess across the page
It feels like watching that one scary movie
You swore you'd never see again
You already have a good insight of what's to come
But you know you'll be taken there anyway
A place so nerve wreaking it rattles the brain
It's what I feel as it gets closer to time
To lick that one dreaded yet hopeful stamp
March my perplexed behind down six flights
Visit the off-campus, out-going box and wait
For my chance of retreat to disappear
In the unknowing hands of an under-paid stranger

What day is it anyhow?

That hammer!
Can I blame this on that damn hammer!
This throbbing pain inside my skull
I have been thinking, I have been trying
I am not seeing how it has been helpful
Maybe it's only been a couple of days
I'm not sure, what day is it anyhow?

Up and down... up and down... up and down
I don't even know which way faces out it seems
I wish I knew what was truly there
Bothering, bugging, spinning around
Why don't I know... I am afraid to push
But I am here, I swear I am here
Even when
Half in another land you slightly turn away

Yes dear, yes, my heart is breaking for you
Yes dear, yes, I can barely stand all that is going down
But did you hear me the other day? I know you did
I have awakened myself to knowing that even though
Things are as they are, what is now, is now
And I can be part of that, part of what keeps things sane
So please, Lord please, don't be wary of letting me in
Please, Lord please help me remember all that I know

If a word or a phrase needs to be in place
To bring me back to my list of what to remember
Then let there be such a thing in our vocabulary
We shall mutter it any time I begin to slip
Until my slips are nearly none
What I want to do is be available for you
For whatever it is you might possibly need
For whatever it is you might possibly want

That hammer!
Can I blame this on that damn hammer!
This throbbing pain inside my skull
I have been thinking, I have been trying
I am not seeing how it has been helpful
Maybe it's only been a couple of days
I'm not sure, what day is it anyhow?

Remold, Recreate

How do I show you all I want to show you
Help you to understand all you need to understand
To see everything you might find of use
Whether it has been in my sight or not
I'd like to make this a better world for you
A better world for you and I

Can you imagine changing it together
No matter if we are side by side or apart
We have the potential to make our mark
At least I know you do
Why would God allow the possibilities
If they weren't supposed to exist
Would so many books already be open
If their messages weren't meant to have an affect
This Earth has the ability to adapt
To grow with the rising movements
Let’s challenge it, push it to that point
Remold the collective thought
Recreate the Seven Wonders of the World

How do we show them all we want to show them
Help them understand all they need to understand
To see everything that is of use
Whether it has been in our sight or not
I'd like to make this a better world for them
A better world for each of us

As Summer Slips

(This piece was originally written at Spencer's Coffee shop a few weeks ago during a poetry reading. I have edited only the ending.)

I stand here before all of your faces
Most of which I've never seen
And most of which I will never see again
Feeling moved to write moments ago
And for what reason I'll never know
I sat and let these words spin
They came quickly and smoothly
Complete without complication
Almost as if urging me to read
But I feel as though if I did
It would be with a roaming imagining
Of one of your many faces
Being annoyed by this rushed work
Just enough to clock me in the head
With some random object in your sight
A blow hard enough to clear my mind
To make so many troubles disappear
All that has plagued these first days of school
So that all that would remain
Lingering in this skull could consist of
Every bit of good brought to me
From the summer quickly slipping away

My Letter To You

Hello,
I know you don't know me, but I think you're pretty. I will finish this later when you are not yelling me to get a move on things so we can be done. Your anonymous admirer.

Well, Are You?

When I say I love you and I miss you
And you don't respond
When I address the issue you brought up
And you don't respond
When I truly want to know what's going on
And you only give me fluff
Are you really trying at all?

Melissa Said It Best

"I would dial the numbers
Just to listen to your breath
I would stand inside my hell
And hold the hand of death
You don't know how far I'd go
To ease this precious ache
You don't know how much I'd give
Or how much I can take
Just to reach you"

So don't ever think that you aren't worth it. That our love isn't worth it. I just question as to whether or not I can ever actually be worth the hell You go through.

{Don't Read This; You Won't Like It}

I feel like I fail
Epically and pathetically
Ever letting things bother me
You say I've changed
That I used to find the positive
I've heard I've done that
All the way from birth
I didn't realize I stopped
It feels as though
All I am doing now
Is letting you down
I don't want that at all
I am trying to find a better me
I wish you knew, truly knew
You have inspired that in me
Without you
I'm not sure where I'd be
Stuck in the motions?
Completely lost and alone?
And I have done almost squat in return
I do not expect a thing from you
I only wish for you to do
Whatever is best for you
As long as you are trying
To do just that task
You will never fail me

Explosion

Hide my head between my knees
So that maybe I'll be the only one to feel
The explosion bound to come
The final "Bam!" to end it all
The only question is
Will it be my heart
Or will it be my brain
Both throb with aching confusion
Lost in worry, dread, and hope for love
Maybe one day soon all will be calm
Before the end comes
And I'm all gone

Dominos

The Dominos, they fall
Knocking one down after another
Sometimes they fall in clusters
Or in groups
You can look back to the beginning
To the very first piece
You know where it started
Knowing they may never stand again
As time goes and more fall
You think there may be an end
Then "wham!"
Watching in awe
You see a second starting point
"So that's how it came so fast."
In your direction they ascend
With all the confusion
You are frozen motionless
Simply waiting to see
If you will be wacked away
In the final fall

The Education

I want to be part of the education.
Not the education that says what's right;
As with do not know all that is right,
But the education that teaches tolerance.
Tolerance of all everyday people;
For we all have to share this Earth together.
And besides, all reason argues tolerance as common decency.
Is common courtesy such a taboo thing today?
So taboo that even those with it
Born into their human nature lose
All sense of how kind kind can be
Under the influence of the society at large?

Diminutive Giant

I am watching the bones
Of this beautiful skeleton break
As time is reversed to replace and recover
All the damage that has been done
And to think most of it was by you
You manipulative, diminutive giant, you
All the progress that has been made
With every single step forward
Might soon be gone and erased from time
Put back into the closet from whence they came
And why? Because there are too many
Ignorant hypocrites, quickly skimming the cover
Of the book of life, failing to take note
Of any possible deeper meaning between the lines
Sometimes the abstract doesn't say it all
And you people fail to realize
It is open for interpretation
By those willing to read
So go ahead, carry on
Let it all wash away into the sea
Of outcasts and misfits you wish believed
If only believing didn't mean having
All the equivalent wretched ideas and
Shunning all the same types of clothing
On the covers of those you actually bother to skim

Crawl

It's like a traffic jam
Everything at a crawl
Construction waiting to start
The only difference is
Our's is the only car on the road

Tonight

Prick
Pop
And trickle
Down tattered bark
Trunk in a shamble
Clinging for solid ground
One limb down
Two
Then Three
Branches broken
Ripped
And splintered
Leaves thrown
To and fro
Few are left

Let it burn now
That's what they want
See it all in flames
Down to ash
What started as a seed
In one warm bosom
Nurtured by another
And grown
To such magnitude
Slowly ending tumbled
And busted in Hell

From the inside
There are screams
That can be felt
Rippling across the Earth
The scratching of roots
Can be heard
As the tree fights
For dear life

Many see
With bleeding hearts
Watching a handful
Attack earnestly
Battle axes in hand
No block
No defense
The tree
Fighting still
Praying for what’s right
Whatever it may be
To come to view
And end this
Tonight

As Ripped from Jen Clapper (FB)

"Did you know that every 18 minutes, 1 person dies from suicide.

And about 1/3 of those people were bullied because of their sexuality or gender identity?

When you say '...so gay,' that adds one more chance for that Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transgender individual to crack.
...

Enough is enough."

Bed Time

I have many things I could write out
To you, you, and you.
I have randomly spit several times
This long night through
But to put any of it down at this time
Simply keeps me from my bed.
And at this very moment
Sleep is way more important
Than any of your shit.

I'm In

I miss you.
I am sorry.
Of course I feel it is mainly my fault.
Hopefully we can pull it back.
Because as soon as my mind flickers to your face,
I am instantly misserable.
And when I am misserable,
I just want to fall into you.
Into what feels like home to me.
I love you with all that I am.
I know that we might not be meant to last.
But I feel in my gut that is supposed to be longer than this.
I want us to be given the chance to really try.
If I don't try, I will never care of myself again.
Baby, I want to be with you.
Baby, I want to love you.
Baby, I want to be loved by you.
I hope that somewhere in that overwhelmed, brilliant mind of yours
You can remember that at least a little;
For forever and always.

To .... Me

Hey You!
Yeah, you in the corner;
You don't say much?
Is everything ok?
...
Do I even know your name?
Are you going to respond;
Preferably with more than that stare?
...
I have a distant memory.
One of your face.
A blurry idea of a voice
That might fit your name;
A name I think I used to know.
...
It feels like one of those
Completely offhand memories
That a child claims
As one to remember
In their first years of life.
...
Would you tell me if I once knew you?
Did we once correspond?
Someone pointed in your direction,
Asking of your input;
I realized I've never asked.
...
Here you are,
In this place,
The same as me.
Shouldn't you have a say?
Don't you realize
As another part of the collective,
You have a voice as well?
...
What is it that makes you so silent?
Was it something I did?
Or did another cause this pain;
This awkwardness between us?
Is there a way to delete that?
...
I want an open dialog.
One that doesn't hurt.
One that doesn't feel
Like pulling one brick
From the bottom of The Great Wall.
...
I am sorry for the ignorance.
I know it will take time;
Time to heal these self inflicted wounds.
But I hope that we can grow,
Together;
Eventually rejoining as one.

Hammer

Do you have a hammer I can borrow;
One with which to beat things into my head?
Think
Feel
Be Open
Let Loose
Learn
Live
Remember

I try to make the motions of hammering,
But without the tool, each nail falls.
I can pick it up again and again,
No matter, I lose the nail another time.
Every time I hear that sounding ding,
Of another collision, nail to ground,
I look up and see it written clearer than before;
I failed my overall goal a little more.
If I don't find a hammer soon,
There will be nothing left to hammer for.

What if I do have a hammer in my hand,
But still manage to drop every nail?
Is it because my head is too hard,
Therefore there is no point in trying?
Is it because I'm not meant to grow
In the the way I want, despite determination?
What if I am simply nowhere near good enough,
And constantly manage to miss the aim?
Maybe the weight of it all causes too much slide,
Countering the few times my determination and will,
Actually manage to strike in the right spot.
Which of course would be like taking one step forward
Only to take 50 back.

I can only hope that I am getting a little better
At beating things into my head.
And then as I grow in skill,
I manage to come closer to each small goal;
Possibly leading to a better outlook for the larger picture.

I Would

If I could erase
All the fear
All the doubt
If I could remove
The pain
The struggle
If I could fix
All perseption
All confusion
If I could Replace
The hurt
The veiw
If I could
If I could
Baby I would
I would
With all the love, care, passion
You stir in me
If I could
If I could
Baby I would
I would

If I Could

If I could kiss your heart
And touch it's precious wings
Then maybe the lines would meet
All emotions would stir
And you would truly believe
With all that we are
Joined in that moment
Just how much
To say "In love"
Can never really be enough
To tell you how much
Every tiny piece
Of my heart and soul
Feel towards yours
And each spec of my body
Chemically leans in your direction

Thinking of Something You've Said

Like a curious child
Wondering around alone
You happened upon a flower
Nothing too special
But something intriguing
It's colors bright
In a way most aren't

You with your red hair
And numerous freckles
Feeling awe like that
A universe might cause
You squeeze in closer
For a better look

Decisions, decisions
And then you decide
Gently you pinch it's stem
And then lightly pull
Holding it near
Next to your heart

You slowly study
The number of peddles
After a time of breathing
And patiently wishing
You begin to take
Every precious tip
One by one
Carefully removing each

With the first one
You quietly recite
"Loves me"
Then the next
"Loves me not"

Alternating back and forth
Until all peddles are gone
Fallen to the ground
All but the last
With which you press
Softly to your cheek
"Loves me"

And then it was born
A small relationship
Becoming a bud
Now you lay back
Completely enjoying
Watching it blossom
Into something
Big and compellingly wondrous

Beauty In His Eyes

Can't you see the art in that? The music in that walk; the notes in that hair; the overture in that voice? How about the pastel in those eyes; the vision in those words; the movement in those hands? It's a piece of art, a piece of beauty; guess what else. - It's you.

Throw A Kiss In, Where Ever You Like // Can You See?

Walking through the door, shortly before,
I will think of what to prepare.
Will it be good enough? Will you want more?
Who am I kidding, you always want more.
And when you are home, we will dine;
Enjoy and discuss, life sits right.
After dishes and more conversation,
We can share space, do what we need.
Working individually; yet with each other.
Stopping time and we are settling down.
Comfortably we will go down for the night;
Under blankets, safe and warm.
Reading time starts, before we snuggle.
Sleeping soundly, side by side,
Knowing there is no better place, to wake,
Than right where we are.


...


If you read this, do you know?
What is my sex, my gender, my identity?
What about my partner, can you see theirs?
You thought I was a woman;
You thought they were a man;
I'm right, aren't I?
Too bad you are wrong.
Not too bad for you;
Too bad for me;
For us;
For the world.
Why can't you, all of you, just see;
There is nothing abnormal,
Nothing different,
About our relationship,
When it is compared to most you see.
So let us alone,
In loving harmony.
For above is the vision I have,
When I think of the one I love.

Sesons Change

Try to throw yourself into the last of the summer air
Wearing too little and not giving a damn
Go for a run, hike, or swim
Nothing can stop the unyielding passion you feel
The leaves are beginning to turn
And those closest can tell
See if the seasons can change soon enough
To fit the unintentional urge
Hoping you can remember
No matter what, you'll have shelter near by
Even if it starts to rain today
Or the blizzards come
You will be just fine here in stable air
If I have anything to do with it
Love will carry you through

Inspired by You

{With the help of Melissa Etheridge}

In front of 20 strangers, I will kiss you.
I want to be your just a little more.
I want to be your hand to hold.
Here you can rest your troubled mind.

"I am watching you sleep
I want to swallow the moon
Give a smile back to you
Light your way
Tell the Angels they'll just have to wait

'Cause I wanna stay here in this moment
Can I quietly slip into you
You and I can stay here in this moment
Let the world fade away,
I just want to stay with you

I am watching you breathe
I am pulled into you
As you smash into me
Oh I want to give you the stars
All that I can hold in my arms
Placing them where you lay
Tell the Angles they'll just have to wait

With my hand on your skin we can slowly begin, I am free
Now the heavens have less cause I've found the best and I won't let them take you away
Tell the angels they'll just have to wait...

I wanna stay here in this moment
Make the earth stand impossibly still
Disappear in your kiss,
Let the world fade away,
I just want to stay with you
With you"

I want to be your fearless love.
I will hold you now.
No need to fear the end.
Live your life,
Peruse your happiness,
And don't settle for anything less.

'Cause
"I would dial the numbers
Just to listen to your breath
I would stand inside my hell
And hold the hand of death
You don't know how far I'd go
To ease this precious ache
You don't know how much I'd give
Or how much I can take
Just to reach you"

Flowers

Drawn, colored, edited on line. Bam.

Just You and I

When we’re together
Just you and I
It rains from the Sun and
Laughter of small children
Blows in the Wind
Rainbows shoot down from the sky
And the air never felt so new

Any place we are
Feels like a playground
Sitting all alone
In our private little field
Any direction we go
Is in our own world
Imagination of our hearts

There is no need to fear
Catching a cold
For the rain never felt sweeter
Than when it falls softly down
Onto our connected souls
The only blanket we need
Is in our eyes

When we’re together
Just you and I
It rains from the Sun and
Laughter of small children
Blows in the Wind
I feel invincible
And think of this song

When we’re together
Just you and I
It rains from the Sun and
Laughter of small children
Blows in the Wind

Babbling Again

I feel like writing
But I don't know what
I feel like I'm missing something
But maybe I'm not
How about we fast forward to sleep
And start anew
Maybe refreshed and rested
We will wake happy and healthy
And I can run on all cylinders
Maybe I am right
And soon it comes
That could explain all the weirdness
That I have been feeling
...
I know what
I feel like singing
But now is not the time
Maybe sometime soon
I will sing something for you
I don't normally do such things
But you make me want to
Want to bare my pipes
It's a very odd thing
Few have ever heard
It's rare that I feel
Like the sound is worth sharing
But I guess that's further proof
Love really does
Make us do crazy things

Changes

You have changed.
You are not the same.
You should not expect
Things to ever be
The way they were.
I do not think
That our relationship
Will ever be much more
Than it is now,
Especially as much
As you have hurt me.
I've moved on.
As should you.

The Tip of The Tongue

There are words on the tip of my tongue.
A long list of them, just waiting to fly.
But at this very moment I can't grab any of them to speak.
It's like all they want to do is flow into you.
With you miles away, it is hard to arrange,
A way for them to move in the way that they wish.
Right now the only ones I can find,
Tear away and sacrifice to this text...
Are:
"I Really, Really, Really like you...
And in a more than like kind of way."

Like Crazy

I wonder if you were serious
When you questioned
Whether I would still be there
When you got back or not.
...
Do you realize
That I can't stand
The thought of
Not being there?
...
I miss you like crazy.
I want to hug you like crazy.
I want to kiss you like crazy.
I want to love on you like crazy.
...
You're going to have to deal
With how much I like you
And how much I plan
To be there for you.

You Are My Hero

I've decided. I often tell you that you are the most amazing person I have ever had the privilege and honor to get to know. And don't get me wrong, you really are. But you are more than that. You are my hero. You are the strongest, kindest, most gentle, loving, caring, passionate, compassionate, beautiful, Christian person on this Earth.

You take care of anyone who will let you, and are willing to be there for anyone and everyone that need you. You manage to be surrounded by so many people that are completely stuck in their ways and still find your own path; using their help when it works, and politely adjusting around them when it doesn't.

You show people a care and respect that they may never understand and should be sorry to ever lose. You will try so hard to do for them until it literally starts to pain you inside. And when you love, it is such an unconditional love. One that the entire world could and should learn from.

In every step and breath you take, I can see Christ. The Lord shines through even your sillier and crazier moments, as if reminding those around you that it is okay to have a little fun. The light is even brighter in your moments of passion and care; so much so that everyone with their eyes open is in awe. Who you are is a young Christian woman, with a lot to learn and so many people to teach.

You really are completely amazing. .... You are my hero.

Baby Fall - Clay Walker

"Hold up there you go again
Puttin' on that smile again
Even though I know you've had a bad day
Doin' this and doin' that
Always puttin' yourself last
A whole lotta give and not enough take

But you can only be strong so long before you break

So fall go on and fall apart
Fall into these arms of mine
I'll catch you every time you fall
Go on and lose it all
Every doubt, every fear, every worry, every tear
I'm right here
Baby fall

Forget about the world tonight
All that's wrong and all that's right
Lay your head on my shoulder, let it fade away

And if you wanna let go baby it's okay

Fall go on and fall apart
Fall into these arms of mine
I'll catch you every time you fall
Go on and lose it all
Every doubt, every fear, every worry, every tear
I'm right here
Baby fall

Hold on hold on hold on to me...

Fall go on and fall apart
Fall into these arms of mine
I'll catch you every time you fall
Go on and lose it all
Every doubt, every fear, every worry, every tear
I'm right here
Baby fall"

I Will

These thoughts are a little more intense
Than I aim for them to be;
I am trying so hard to stay planted
That it makes me even more unsure
As to what dreams of these are true.

I want so badly right this moment
To let those words slip to you
But I do feel that they will be misunderstood
Or that if they are understood
That it will hurt you
In an unpredictable way.

It is hardest now
As all I want to do
Is to go to you
Yank you into my lap
And take it all away.

You will be alright
I know.
But that doesn't stop me
From wanting to save and protect
You from everything
Bad in this World.

I will quickly make
My way to you
In only a heart beat
If you or my gut
Say that it shall be so

These thoughts are a little more intense
Than I imagined they would get;
I am trying so hard to JUST know
And it is hard to not tell you
As to what dreams of these are true.

Thanks to the Rain

Similar to the post before last, I figure it is about time I got a copy of this online. I don't actually think it is anywhere but in my head.

When the Sun comes out
Grass beings to dance
And the rain’s washed away
All the sad and the bad
It’s thanks to the rain
Thanks to the rain

When the light beings to shine
And kids come out to play
It’s thanks to the rain
Thanks to the rain

Washing away the
All the sad and the bad
Like the death of a man
And the war in Iraq
It’s thanks to the rain
Thanks to the rain

Cause when it comes
It comes
And when it pours
It storms
And then we’re left
With a beautiful bliss
That’s thanks to the rain
Thanks to the-

. . .

Bring on the rain
So no one will notice
When the whole world cries
And let it wash away
All the pain we have inside
So we can all sing praise
Thanks to the rain
Thanks to the-

When the Sun comes out
Grass beings to dance
And the rain’s washed away
All the sad and the bad
It’s thanks to the rain
Thanks to the rain

And then we’re left
With a beautiful bliss
That’s thanks to the rain

It thanks to the..
.. Thanks to the..
.. Thanks to the..
.. Thanks to the..
Rain

(spoken at a whisper)

I keep it hidden inside,
The way you really make me feel.
For if the world could see all inside of me,
It would surely become over whelmed and explode.

The passion from a thousand fist kisses,
And the heat from a million back seats.
The emotion from a billion pounding hearts,
And the sensations of a trillion weak knees.

Can only begin to describe all inside of me,
And the way you truly make me feel.
I might become over whelmed and explode,
If I keep it all hidden inside.

The Wings of Angels

I figure it is about time I got a copy of this online. I don't actually think it is anywhere but in my head.

May you sleep on the wings of angels
As they tell you sweet things
Like how life's going to end all right
No one can ever take your dreams
And break them, you're fine
To live your life like it were a sweet wine
And keep your miles running strong
On the wings of angels

And I will see you sleeping there
Oh, behind my closed eyes I can feel you
Like the Sun won't refuse to shine

Feathers in your hair
Sleeping like you have no care
Your smile written upon the clouds
Everyone you've made so proud
As long as you hang onto
The wings of angels

And I will see you sleeping there
Oh, behind my closed eyes I can feel you
Like the Moon won't refuse to glow

May you sleep on the wings of angels
As they tell you sweet things
Like how life's going to end all right
Make your dreams and hold them tight
Live your life like it were a fine wine
And keep your miles running strong
On the wings of angels

And I will see you sleeping there
Oh, behind your closed eyes you are
The Sun that won't refuse to shine

And I will see you sleeping there
On the wings of angels