So this is what it feels like

Finding that you’re now wrong
That you’ve severely changed
And maybe you’re nearly gone
With the feeling of failure comes more failure
With the notions of hurt come more pain
I’m always losing, I worry I’ll lose you
I’m always screwing up, I worry I’ll screw up with you
Maybe this is why I have become a loser
I am grumpy with those who know me
Really with those who see me
Problem is you’re the only one that knows me
I think you know me
We both think you know me
I’m not sure I even know me
It wouldn’t be the first time

If you were there I would be more nervous
Only because there would be reason to be nervous
Seeing you would make it real
Make me more than a fly on the wall that no one sees
Make my voice more than a hum no one will remember
Make the words mean something to someone
The fact that you care, you want to be there
The fact that you give a damn, more than a damn
Brings me to float on air, you don’t even know
It scares me in a sense; who would ever bother to cause that
But I know that answer
You even help me feel you really don’t think it’s a bother
But here I am with my heart on my sleeve, ready to hide it away
I’ve been so worried about busting yours wide open
Not even seeing that I fear for my own

I cannot help how crazy I am; if I can I don’t know how
I’ve heard the things you say, it doesn’t release the fear
That you will see I am too crazy, too much work
I can’t even manage to treat you the way I want to treat you
When I want to treat you the best
We have gotten passed my nervousness that others
Would be what drives a wedge between us
We have gotten passed worry that we can’t keep it real
Even passed our concealment, which kept us in this room
And now only the worst of me is left to be discovered
Of all the things I believe you feel, because I feel similar towards you
Although I love your complexity, quirks, and the
Sometimes odd things you do, it is hard
Very hard to think you would ever be willing to put up with
My irrational insanity, let alone love me despite