Clothing and Pins

It is said that some people
Wear their emotions
Pinned to their sleeve
I just wish the quality
Of one's trust could simply
Be seen with a glance
Maybe pinned to their forehead
Like a site rating by Google

When you wear your emotions
Like a second skin
Trying desperately to cover them
With material of sarcasm
Quick wit, and confidence
All you really want to know
Is if the person next to you
Will be kind enough to help you out
If your shirt begins to rip

Avoidance Couch

Move on over anger
Make room for depression
Yes, yes, I know
You like to puff up all big
And take up a lot of space
But you'll diminish in a moment
Depression likes to sit on you?
So you've told me; oh well
This is the avoidance couch
You sit, and I try to ignore you
Surely you know how this works
After all this time living here
Just chill out
And be quiet already!

Somehow Gone

(A few days old)

Look at them in front of us
They seem so familiar
Somehow, someway
Don't they remind you, Dear
Of how we used to be
How we used to be
But they are closer someway
Than we are now
Then how we are now

This song in my ear
It makes me think of you
Nostalgia fit to a beat
Like you're somehow far
Away, not in front of me
But I am headed to you now

Say you will, say you won't
Say you do, say you don't
Say something real to me
I swear, Dear, I'm in this
Honestly I am in this
With you for the long haul
Just tell me please
Tell yourself please
Are you

This song in my ear
It makes me think of you
Nostalgia fit to a beat
Like you're somehow far
Away, not in front of me
But I am headed to you now

You're far away somehow
Can't quite figure out how
But I am headed
Headed to you now

How Many

(It's rough, but this is what I've got.)
(Dogimo J. fits in here somewhere)

How many times

How how many times

How many many many times

I just want you in my light

I feel I could live with you

In my li-ight

So tell me now

Please prove it so

How many times have I

Walked across your mi-ind

Am I headed into to

The spotlight of your dreams

Or merely dancing 

In the wi-ings

How many times

How how many times

How many many many times

Sometimes when I see you

I know this really could be more
It's like you are naked
When I look into your ey-es
It must your soul I see
Lighting up behind
Those wonderful big
Brown iri-is-es

So tell me
Tell me now pleeeease

How many times

How how many times

How many many many times

I just want you in my light

I feel I could live with you

In my li-ight

Baby,
Please
come into my li-ight

How Long Can This Work?

When did this happen
How did I let it happen
I think I might be turning
Into a version of my mother
Maybe I care too much
Maybe I expect too much
I definitely give too much
In return, it's only so much
I'm not your butler
I'm not your maid
I'm not your mommy



Ya know what?
F this.
I don't even want to put effort into being bothered.

If I want something different, I'll just have to be different. That's that.

Kiss Kiss

I don't know now
How do I express this
I don't know now
Do I need to feel this
Can it all just wash away
And kiss these troubles goodbye

Good good goodbye

One second here, one second there
It is like my brain is running on over drive
But wait, what is this, did I fall asleep
Close my eyes, maybe I'll start to dream
Bolt awake and here I am again
Lost in my thoughts, a fog drifting through
A few words here, a few words there
Not a complete train, merely pieces of one whole
There goes the dining car, was I hungry
Two passengers and a single freight
Not a two are linked, simply rolling free
All different speeds, dancing in rings
How have we not toppled over over
Who's the conductor, am I in charge
I seem to have lost my place
Was that my turn, to another rail
Nobody knows, that's the truth of how it goes

I don't know now
How do I express this
I don't know now
Do I need to feel this
Can it all just wash away
And kiss these troubles goodbye

Good good goodbye

I don't know now
How do I control this
I don't know now
Do I need to be this
Can it all just wash away
And kiss these troubles goodbye

Good good goodbye
Good good goodbye

Kiss kiss

Inner Hysteria

What is going on here

I can not tell

So lost and confused

I have only felt this strongly 

Once before

Last time it went hand in hand 

With altering anger

Today it paired with sorrow

A deep heart break 

I had to push away

Or be crushed under the weight

I am so beyond bewildered

Is my emotional state justified

Or did I get too wrapped up 

In those first few words

This shit isn't black and white

I am gorging on comfort

Waves of aggravation coming forth

I usually have a better idea

Of how things really are

At least when they matter

Damn it, this matters to me

I know you understand inspiration for writing. So, I will try to not let my self awareness become self conscious.

Raincheck he says
like a refrain
A song biding it's time
before the verse comes crashing down
In a shit storm
of hot, fevered fury
All okay as it lies in wait
for the time the song decides to break
A mind of its own when in truth
it is nothing but a metaphor

Alright only on the surface
I say
The honesty of whatever
emotions sitting in hiding
Are deeper down trying to form
into a piece of recognizable tone
The pause of a refrain
barely sates the concern
Merely the caring
of someone who loves

But what on this Earth
do I really know of this thing
Have not been on this rotating planet I
for near the time of thee
Not in your head is this conscience
worrying inside of mine
All I know is what I feel
and I feel the aforementioned concern
Merely the loving
of someone who cares

Turn the Page Damn It

Each chapter a different name
Birth
Youth
Life
Love
Money
Anger
Fear
Sorrow
Joy
Pain
Death
Variations of the same

The real question is
Will we embrace the chapter before us
Or try to skip ahead
Life unlived
Is life unappreciated
Is it a gift or a burden
It is all open for interpretation
Just don't forget to dog ear the best

A page looked back on can change the view
Of the present taste, like
A weeping heap of disaster
Be not broken or undone
Your book will be written
As best as it can
As long as you are willing to see
In between the lines of your own living
Love

Wishing to Be...

I miss it- being high
Off life, lust, and youth
Like when I was 21
And falling in love

Friends would finally hit bed
Right around two
But my sweet and I
Would sneak quietly out
Walking and talking for miles
Finding random places
To perch, laugh, dance,
And make out
Star gazing and being
Generally existential
Tip toing in
With the start of the sun
Only to start anew
Fresh at nine

As if no one knew
High and gleaming
With the confidence of
Life, lust, and youth

I don't

I don't.
I don't.
I know I don't.
It's so much easier if I don't.
That little curiosity.
I do not like it,
No I don't.
Guilt protrudes
And it could ruin.
Need not over think.
For I know I don't.
But I think I could.
That's the thing.
But I know.
I know I don't.

Just Another Day

Rage
Pain
Twist
Inside
Out

Doubt
Full
Turn
Empty
Unknown

Broken
Tear
Drops
Pour
Down

Smile
Laugh
Stress
Hysterics
Lost

That
Is
How
It
Goes

Muy Loco

You tell me I'm crazy
I know that I'm crazy
You may think that I'm crazy
But it's only for you
That I'm cray-zy

I know I can be kooky
And it's true that I'm silly
I know I am sensitive
And often defensive
But when you tell me I'm Loco
It's important that you know
I'm only so loco
When it comes to you

You tell me I'm crazy
I know that I'm crazy
You may think that I'm crazy
But it's only for you
Dear
That I'm so cray-zy

..... don't let go-

The dust is playing
at an attempt to settle again.
Again.
Things almost turned bad
again.
Thin line we stand on;
 absolute hope
that we can keep our balance
until we find a way to step onto the sprawling,
joined path once more.
I don't want to end this journey
when there are so many more sights to see
and so many more curves
that beg to be maneuvered.

Eight Points

If I had a word, to send to you
Can you tell me what it would be
How many points is it worth
On the scrabble board
that is our life

Across the mountains
And over the seas
If my thoughts could travel
To anywhere I pleased
it might just be hello-o

It could be goodnight
How, fun, or serendipity
Just a smile or a wink
An expression in thought-
bubble, like a balloon

But really, in reality
I just want to let you know
I'm thinking of you
My friend over there
where it is, that you are

On the scrabble board
That is our li-ife
How many points do I get
When I simply say,
hello-

De-Pend-Ence-In

Dependent, codependence
Trying to be independent
Attempt for a healthier me
So there can be a better we
But I'm not the only 'me'

Are you trying
I think your trying
Can see you might be trying
But you don't see
Your dependence on the chain

I am trying
Can you see I'm trying
Breath, let things go
No reason to bring shit home
I want us, a healthier us

Dependent, codependence
Trying to be independent
Attempt for a healthier me
Is there a way to make it clear
With supportive still intact

I care, want to care
I give, want to give
To offer my support and love
With no expectation
For so much of the same

I'm not the only 'me'
In this we
Your problems are my problems
But your extra curriculars
Are not my chores

You're trying
I know you're trying
Attempting for a healthier you
So there can be a better we
But I still have to be me

Some of the Kindest Words I've Ever Received

"I wish you deepening roots to draw lengthening strength, nights of soft rain in plenitude, with clouds chased by dawn and nourishing rays all day, for as many days as it takes for you to feel whole, and healed, and created anew.

...

I hug your tree"


- A Friend



Let us now enjoy these words, full of so much:


"How thin in places are the walls of this deep well 
individuality, in which we are imprisoned,
and how easy to forget we can try to break through."


- The Same Friend

The Five Minute Timeout is Done and Gone

Five
Five minutes
I forgot for five minutes
For five minutes
I let it go

Once again though
The wind blows
It rages
The storm it brews
And it is a cold bitch

Do You?

I knew this would hurt.
But somehow I am still surprised.
I want to enjoy our time, I do.
But I also want to hide away;
Avoid all the interaction and pain inside.

My stomach is torn.
And my heart is ripped.
I'm falling to shreds in here.
And I don't know how much longer
I can take this insanity of life.

I want to run to you,
And hold you in my anxious arms.
I want to kiss you.
And never leave your side,
Even though it wouldn't be the same.

I can't help how this all feels.
But you seem to think I should.
I can't help the tearing confusion.
But you don't seem to feel it;
Unable to understand these things.

You want me to be somebody else.
But that isn't how you presented your self.
You get angry that I'm not.
But I can't change who I am,
And I don't think you want me to.

If you want somebody else,
And feel that change is right,
Then I hope you embrace it.
And not fight it for our sake;
You don't even seem to think there is an us.

Temporary I said.
And mean it, I definitely did.
Temporary I hope.
And really wish it true;
It is what I want, do you?

Not even my book can keep it at bay
The tears, the thoughts, the aching

It wasn't so bad until I entered this room
The different, the quiet, the lonely

I think you tried to forget before your sleep
Or else let your sleep help you to forget

More so because of it I am sure
It will hurt unbearably in the morn

To watch you hurt will...
Unbearable only begins to describe

But this is the road we must travel
Push through the pain and grow

It may only be a few days
It may be forever

With any luck, hope, love
We will be the better for it

Don't mistake my words though
Love, already I miss you

Like a musician without sound
I dearly miss you