My Hands, Your Back

No
It's my hands
They are, my hands
Bleeding
They are covered
Soaked in blood
These are?
My hands
Where though
Is the source
I don't  see it
The source-

Sharp Pains
You say
In your back?

The source?

Your blood...

................My hands-

Franklin; I Used to Like You

I despise the look on your faces
Staring up at me as if you still care
You're dead; you don't give a damn
Now, decades later all you are
Is over-priced green paper
I can tear you
Rip you to shreds
Burn you
And even if illegal
Toss you in a pile of trash

None the less I need you
I feed off of you
I work for you
I barely live because of you
Life is a bitter sweet symphony
All played for you

Well here I am
Another worthless
Poor American
Barely able to make dues
The half truths of others
Furthering the dent
The depth of the fear
And hole of disparity
Wondering what will come next
If we can survive

Now as I cry on your shoulders
Looking down
At the last remaining
Arrogant faces
I can only wish for more
As my hate eagerly grows

Good Night

It's late, this I know
But all of it is too- there
I realize that I am looking over
Skipping past the thoughts
Floating around my brain
But when I check the time
Realize sleep should be here
I immediately think of tomorrow
The things I can't avoid
The changes, the moving
Work, and other chores

I ponder on having to deal
Accept and move on
From the pain inside
The words that pushed me over
Added to stress and fear
Sent me to the other room
Away from my responsibilities
So that a moment could be spent
Shedding a tear in peace
A deep breath
And back at it

To face these things
I will need some rest
A codex to frame a steady mind
And so sleep will come
Comfort of covers will be sought
And the warmth of a pillow
Will rest upon my ear
I merely need to find a way
A path to drain the energy
Urging me to zone out
And say good night

Happy Birthday, Middle Sis

Never really knew you
Wonder who you would have been
Wondering who you are
One of my biggest inspirations
And so few people see
Only eight years on this Earth
Only four of them with me
But oh so much, those years have shaped
Who I am and who I will be
With your legacy, memories held in hearts
You have taught me so very much
About life, love, and truly giving
I feel you watch over us
And with the help of your presence
I find the strength to live

Stones

I feel like puking on the screen
Hitting the keys in front of me
Until my fingers will move no longer
Throwing down words like stones
Until they make no sense
Running letters back to back
Pouring out any and all emotion
Willing and capable of bubbling to the surface

Let not any be choked back
And stifle none that scream
Breath within the beat
And speak in ALL CAPS
Find a tiny font for whispering
And move along the wind
Use onomatopoeia at random
And annoy thy eyes

I know not what to say
I sense not how to move
But forward I will travel
Trying to put it all down
Light bricks on my own color road
Before any small explosion booms
For the weight is thick and snug
More so than my occupied heart wishes

Let me break free, oh mind
Let the night end
May sleep remove all that is selfish
From inside this olive skin
My word bank is still full
And my fingers still move
But these stones now make little sense
And the road lies in rubble

My Dreams of You

It so does appear, that when we are done
My dreams of you multiply in passion

I wonder if as I think
Having another beat on me
Would be more gratifying
Than beating myself

But I can always find reason to continue
With the screaming and the cussing
The kicking and the punching
Though from myself I feel not much

Each insult I’ve already heard from these lips
And each name has echoed through
Each blow hurts less and less
Almost as if I search for the one that does

Oh, all the things that use of energy
Prevents these hands from doing
And phenomenally it keeps these lips
From even more spewings of tourettes

It’s as if there is a big ball of rage inside
Waiting for any decent moment to escape
It has waited for many of years
And never received a fulfilling attempt

With its own story it sits and grows
Remembering it acknowledgments clearly
For you with the chin dimple
And the full ability to never care

For you with your protective presence
And no offer of protection from your own damage
For you with the self imagined height of an angel
And the treasured ignorance of a baboon

And For you with a heart bigger than any black whole
And a silver tongue stronger than any god’s
Your ability to try until your emotions will no longer bend
Yet your way of making everyone else oh so small

I wonder if I could blame all of you
For the way I torture the one I love most
How I pull hate from those dark brown eyes
Turning yellow and orange into a deep, putrid black

But someone great in the right mindset would remind me
That only one’s self can be blamed for what they do
I hear the above statement to ring quite true
And it breaks my heart knowing I do

As I am the hardest for myself to forgive
I turn the other cheek when taking a blow to the heart
And I might walk a different bath after a stab in the back
But forgiveness does remain for all without this face

I lead to an unhealthy you
Plain and simple, no easier way to see it
I am far from anything useful to you
And there is no one you need but you

Now what is there for us to do
After one Amygdala hijack too many
With no medicine to sooth
And all the smiles have been smashed away

It so does appear, that when we are done
My dreams of you multiply in passion

Paper Airplane; Why Don't You Stay?

There's a paper airplane
Sailing across the land
Carrying all the pieces
Never to be whole again
And this Bubble-Bath will never sooth

Oh to be on that plane now
Getting away from this some how
Its pilot I will become
Flying straight toward your arms
Into your heart once more

I write to you
The ink moves
It doesn't satisfy

This incorrigible flame rises
Threatening to swallow me whole
I stepped into the fire
Look at me now
Singing to myself
Like these words really matter

Sit and watch the airplane
Catch a glimpse of streusel as it turns
And there she goes

If I ever see her again
Maybe I'll find the words to say
Actions always mattered more anyway
Find out how to let her go
Or the guts to ask her to stay

(Probably be happier anyway)

There's a paper airplane
Sailing across the land
Carrying all the pieces
Never to be whole again
And this Bubble-Bath will never
Never sooth

Oh Well, Right?

I told you this was how it was going to be
You convinced me otherwise
I knew I would be alone, sad, and hurt
While you played, laughed, and forgot
Anger when it's my turn to go
And my distraction ruins everything
But hypocrisy when it's yours
And I'm the annoying bad guy
Why do you even bother before you leave
Saying that you'll miss me
That I will hear from you often
Liar
But I guess it doesn't matter
Hence why I am merely writing to myself
And don't be mad if one day you read this
Because when you ignore me so
Don't even give me the only thing I want
Which is to know that you are okay
On the road or not
It really feels like it doesn't even matter

It'll Be the Last (may need edit)

One of these days
When she stops talking
It'll be the last I hear of her voice
One of these days
When she takes to walking away
It'll be the last I see her beautiful face
I don't know why or how
She puts up with me
The way that I am
Alway causing that blood to boil
And those feet to move like they do

She tells me she loves me
But I don't know how she can
I never feel I do enough to warrent
All the waves she rides with me
She tells me she loves me
But I don't know know why her heart bothers
With every little thing I put it through
I know that I truly do love her
More than I'll ever know how to show
And I never have quite gotten close
To even showing enough of what I should

Why is it you always do the walking away
And I'm always stuck doing the chasing
I know one of these days will be the last
And I will never see it coming

(And all the blame will be on me;
'Cause I'll be the one left wondering-)

Phones Away: Can You Hear Me Now?

Phones away
Can you hear me now?
Together let us take just a second to ponder-
What will the next generations see upon exiting the womb?
The doctor’s instructions listed on the BlackBerry in Mommy’s hands
As a baby’s Twitpic is more important than any introduction to its family
Each child to be babysat by the computer monitor by the age of three
And no single iPhone game, raising a garden, moves quickly enough
To sooth the impatient itch caused by a 45 second lack of distraction
Forget fear of swirlies at school; too busy bullying by way of statuses
“No phones in class, Dear; now read my fancy power point slide”
So, where is the need for group dialogue and exchanged,
When there is access to absent minded discussion boards online?
Life to be stored on various devices; mandated by events listed on Facebook
You can share with the world each subchapter in your agenda book
One hundred forty characters or less- don’t you dare forget
Control the “about me” that others see; my teacher taught me about imagery
Have every acquaintance for your friend and know everything that they do
As long as they remember to continually check in daily on FourSquare
Complement each other on photography skills by way of mobile uploads
Our conversations dwindled down to the briefest of shorthand
Coming so accustomed to replying only as you wish
(No one can truly know how busy you are when they’re not with you)
That in face to face conversation you forget how to participate
No need for quality time when there are so many waiting for your next text
Dropped communication classes will make a switch to keypad lessons
Learn it all in five minutes tops or lag back on a buffering screen
Tab over to something newer; got to keep up with the latest tech
Click here, pound sign there, now a member of the most recent trends
Sunshine, what is that?
Oh you mean that thing that powers the neighbor’s weird looking car
Baseball, the Great American Pastime, relocated to the couch we keep in the basement
No possibility of a twisted ankle, too busy with exercises for RSI
Thumb and Repetitive Stress Injuries could slow down the new 6g
Word Review, can you spell check this so far?
Here we are in the midst of technology getting smarter than we bother to be
Phones away
Can you hear me now?

An Answered Call

Did the weather answer my call?
Yesterday I saw yellow, orange, and blue.
Brought on in part by the day's hue.
Laughing, hand holding, smiles gallore.
Happiness and memmories of before.
I love days like those, Heaven, I want more.
BringIng the light back into that face I adore.
Sun on our backs and a breeze in our hair.
These days I feel that we make a good pair.
I love you, I do. Not just when the wind rings.
But also when shown what cold and snow bring.
I love you through and through,
Because still there, is always you.

Side by Side (in need of spell check)

I want to be out walking with my girl
Playing ball on the grass with my man
I want to place my arm around her shoulders
Intertwine my fingers with those hads of his
Show off my relationship with her
And be insanely flirtatious with him
I want to travel home to our bed
After a wonderful dinner together
Attack each other in our cotton sheets
No thought to societal veiw on who we should be
I want to love on you forever
Staying completely true to who we are
Changing continually together over time
Growing and learning side by side
More of who we are, together and apart
I want to be out walking with my girl
Playing ball on the grass with my man

Come Back to Us, Summer Breeze (Please) (may need edit)

I miss the nights we couldn't get enough of each other;
Those times we would nearly be sick due to sleepiness,
Before we would even consider parting our ways.
When the love used to radiate off of our skin;
So hot red that not a soul could miss the flame,
No matter how hard we tried to keep it under wrapps.
I miss the dozens of kisses and ever sweet I love yous,
Before sleep would over come our dreary eye lids.
I miss the hugs that never seemed possible to end,
That would feel like shattered earth when broken.
The butterflies that always fluttered inside here;
That look that always made me completely swoon.
Even when we were apart, your love so strong,
It could keep me warm at night no matter the chill.
When I could not contain my ever rising joy,
Brought out of every poor by the way you made me feel.
Those butterflies still come around in me.
And the earth still feels as though it shatters.
But the chill keeps me so cold these nights;
And the true sleep, seems it almost never comes.
My reality stares me straight in the eye;
But to the touch, is colder than the air we breath.
And aside that fluttering is a ball of nerves,
Waiting to see if the falling clouds in the sky
Are really crashing down around me.
Or if in time they will remember the soft feel
Of a summer breeze, blowing them to a fro'.

Never Going Away

This Sick Serpentine Psycho
The label of "bitch" branded to her forehead
I cannot trust her with a single thing
I go for something, try to make it better
There she is again, tearing it all down
She likes to have fun, play those "games"
Worst is when she takes her sweet time
Letting me slip closer and closer to something great
Then she waltzes in to take it all away
I may think I can hold her back, shew her out
At times I think it even works, saying goodbye
But no, this psycho waits for even the smallest crack
In the window of my ever slipping brain
Rearing her head like a Michael, who just will not die
Apart of me, inside of me, never going away

To Love is to Hurt

I don't expect much sleep tonight
Wondering if complete solitude
Is the best option for my life
Every piece of love I touch
Crumbles at my fingertips
Feeling as though I need others
Ears on which to share and bend
But no other can be told
Anything that means anything
No one can be trusted in life
Not even myself at all

To love is to hurt, -a lot
And to myself, pain I can bear
But to others, I dare not think
I should grab it and rip it away
Peal it off like an old bandaid
The sting, pinch, bite, will be
But once that passes, it's done
No more infliction caused
No more wounds deepened
No more heartach given
No more self blame for other's pain

"This could be the last mistake that I would ever wanna do"

"But I know what you want it to figure it out
And God knows I do too
What can I do? Say it's true
I'll never ask for anyone but you"

If Someone Does, Then We're Not Meant To Be

I will never fit into that place in your heart
Not completely, not entirely at all
You will never feel for me like that
Never feel like that for another being
Not in this romantic type of respect
There will always be others that mean more
They may never know the truth
But others involved will always see
This point in life, all is based around you
In some manner, shape, or form
Never in our lives will my heart be to you
What yours is when seen in my eyes
Rarely will the care given and shown
Be the same taken and received
But of course all of this is fine and well
Love will be handed to you on a golden platter
From any soul who sees as to who you are
Inside and out of your complicated shell

Into the Silence

Maybe if I were to walk into the silence
I could find the steadiness to deal
Allow myself the time to heal
Forgiveness has not been my friend
It has hidden from me to no end
Only in recent days have I realized
From myself I have been disguised
Hopefully once the concentration is found
To take myself inward bound
Concentrations will steadily come
To help me locate my approaching home
Into myself, I know I should look
But motivation needed, I’ve not seen my hook
Self understanding is far from a skill
Too soon I will have had my fill
Here shortly though I must travel
Down a long road formed of gravel
Or soon to see your lovely face
Will be full of an empty space

You Will Understand

I’m going to write you a song
I’m going to sing you a melody
I’m going to mold you a statue
Made out of solid gold
I’m going to speak to you
While your sleeping dreams wake
In these moments you will understand
Although the knowledge will not last
Just to the degree which my feelings heat
All the things you often question
Whether it be to me or in your soul
Every answer shall come to you
Never need I know if you’ve heard at all
For while your sleeping dreams awake
Those moments will quickly pass
I will sit up till dawn by your side
Sharing with you all of my light
The numerous things you should already hold
But alas if you do, I know not
For with all the time spent
In things of deepest emotion
Given to you at a distance
It is rarely shared if ever felt

Lucky I

My love for you pours from my fingertips
Beating in my heart with the memory of your voice
The thought of your face close to mine
Brings feelings of warmth and joy
A wish floats idly threw my head
The slow motion of an airplane above
Imagining your fingers laced with mine
May I feel your breath and taste your lips
Longing for your smell and soft touch
To hold you in my arms here tonight
Would be more than any gift ever given
Simply to have you near my heart
The Lord above shares such grace
The light which radiates from your eyes
Could do wonders for the human race
Were it a liquid form of power
Spilled over the masses to cure all evil
Oh! To be loved by you
It can carry a being through the day
Oh! To love you
Could carry and body through life
Oh! And lucky I
To be carried through and through